The Pros And Cons Of Breathing

I think my actions through, very thoroughly. Every action has a reaction. Do I know what I'm about to cause? Yes.

And did you hear the news? I could dissect you, and gut you on this stage not as eloquent as I may have imagined, but it will get the job done - you're done. Every line is plotted and designed to leave you standing on your bedroom window's ledge. And everyone else that it hits, that it gets to is nothing more than collateral damage.

I'm sorry for being so shitty

Sweetie, You Had Me.

Don't you dare remember me, when you start forgetting her.

My Year Of Thought

(This tree is for you, and its for me.

I understand why Redwoods are your favorite.

Tall and lanky just like you,

healthy, strong and long living just like me.)

You have inspired me so much. I can't believe its been a year since you have left us. You always pushed me to be the best I could be. We helped each other be okay again. Although you let the Monster take you over, I will fight for us, and for the people who went through the same thing we did. I will fight in your honour to end the stigma. I promise I wont let you down.

"Yes, when you see for the first time, a great laughter arises in you - the laughter about the whole ridiculousness of your misery, the laughter about the whole foolishness of your problems, the laughter about the whole absurdity of your suffering." - Osho

A lot has happened. So much in the past year its crazy to think about. Scary almost. I've become a strong, confident "young lady". Every shitty thing possible that could have happened, did happen. And you know what? I'm thankful. I realized just how strong I could be. I was beaten, and broken and I built myself back up again.

But I'm so thankful for all the amazing things that happened, for all the opportunity and experiences I got. Arizona, grooming, helping save animals lives, fighting for animal rights, and now back to school. A year of philosophy and meditation and learning my values.

I did stupid, idiotic things, but I also made pieces of art. I lost my way, and gained life experience. I thought I didn't believe in love any more. All of my knowledge has come from this year. I am a better person for it.

"In a cinema hall, you look at the screen, you never look at the back - the projector is at the back. The film is not there really on the screen; it is just a projection of shadow and light. The film exists just at the back, but you never look at that. And the projector is there. Your mind is at the back of the whole thing, and the mind is the projector. But you always look at the other, because the other is the screen. When you are in love the person seems beautiful, no comparison. When you hate, the same person seems the ugliest, and you never become aware of how the same person can be the ugliest and the same person can be the most beautiful.... So the only way to reach to truth is to learn how to be immediate in your vision, how to drop the help of the mind. This agency of the mind is the problem, because mind can create only dreams.... Through your excitement the dream starts looking like reality. If you are too excited then you are intoxicated, then you are not in your senses. Then whatsoever you see is just your projection. And there are as many worlds as there are minds, because every mind lives in his own world."

I Fall Between Sizes.

Blah. Blah. Blah. Enough said right?

Safe And Sound.

(You're still an innocent)

I remember tears streaming down your face

when I said, "I'll never let you go".

When all those shadows almost killed your light

I remember you said, "Don't leave me here alone."

But all that's dead and gone and passed tonight

Just close your eyes

The sun is going down

No one can hurt you now

Come morning light

You and I'll be safe and sound

Don't you dare look out your window darling

Everything's on fire

The war outside our door keeps raging on

Hold onto this lullaby

Even when this music's gone.

(No matter what.... I promise.)

I Took Some Of This, And Some Of That.

(I would love this... In my dream home, my dream man

would make me this dream room.

Who doesn't love the dark?)

I'm about to ramble. I don't care. I've given up on poetry and prose and all things beautiful.

Trust is such a tricky thing. Especially when you have a brain like mine. It wants to trust. And to feel trusted back.

The slightest thing will completely disarm my brain and the walls go back up. Then down. Then up and down again. It never makes up its mind. Do I trust, or don't I trust?

But I'm still happy. Going with what comes at me.

And I guess that's all that really matters.