If You Kiss Somebody, Then Both Of You Get Practice

And History Books Forgot About Us And The Bible Didn't Mention Us, Not Even Once

Remember what you're worth
Remember you're worth fighting for
Remember you're not a punching bag
Remember you're not a doormat
Remember you are valuable
Remember you are repairable
Remember you matter
Remember they don't.

K,thnx,bye.

Well In The Waiting Room While Waiting For News Of You I Hallucinated I Could Read Your Mind

I kind of feel like a bitch.

But for once I don't think I actually mind.

I don't care if people dislike me.

Or spread rumors about me.

This whole situation has just taught me so much. 

Yes, I will bitch you out if you talk shit about who I care about.

When will you learn your lesson?

Sometimes I wonder why the fuck I still speak to you.

It's Not What It Seems In the Land of Dreams, Don't Worry Your Head Just Go To Sleep

I really do believe everything is working out for the better.
I have lots to say, but no ability to say it.

This is my winter wonderland. Nothing will bring me down.
It's beautiful, sure it's cold, but it sure makes curling up infront of the fire even more cozy. I love lying next to the fire under a blanket reading a good book. I also love putting on all my winter woolies. I love watching the snow fall, I love cuddling in the snow, I love hot chocolate, I love dark nights, I love decorating. There is just so much to love. Who wouldn't want this?

That is all for now.

On The First Day Of Class....

lol

=]

When The World Falls Down.

Careful.
She might,
break down.

The Patron Saints Of Liars And Fakes.

It's not me, it's you

Actually, it's the taxidermy of you and me

Untie the balloons around my neck and around me

I'm just a racehorse on the track

Send me back to the glue factory

Always thought I'd float away

And never come back

But I've got enough miles on my card

To fly the boys home on my own

But you know me: I like being all alone

And keeping you all alone

The charts are boring

Your kids are snoring

You say you're not listening and I said I'm wishing..

Dear Gravity, You've Held Me Down In This Starless City.

{Saying goodbye to my yesterday}

{Saying hello to my tomorrow}

Sure this hurts. A lot. But it's the best thing, for me, for you.

take a chance, let your body get a tolerance,

I'm not a chance, but a heat wave in your pants

Pull a breath like another cigarette,

Pawn Shop, I'm trading up

Free love on the streets, but

In the alley and I ain't that cheap

So boycott love

Detox just to retox

I'd promise you anything for another shot at life

Imperfect boys with their perfect ploys

Nobody wants to hear you sing about tragedy

I don't just want to be a footnote in someone else's happiness

I wanna scream 'I love you' from the top of my lungs

But I'm afraid that someone else will hear me

If home is where the heart is

Then we're all just fucked

I can't remember, I can't remember

And I want it so bad

I'd shoot the sunshine into my veins

I can't remember, the good old days

{I guess this is goodbye....}

20 Dollar Nose Bleed

What if I get tempted?

What if something bad happens?

What if I fall?

What happens if I allow myself to fall?

What if I can't help myself?

Coffee's For Closers

There's a little girl inside me, she's there every single day
She has given up on eating and its wasting her away
There's an empty hole inside her and its ripping her apart
She has broken bones and bleeding wrists and yes, a broken heart
Can you hear her as she's weeping, can you see her hang her head
Do you know that every day she lives is one more day she's dead
Have you even tried to love her, have you looked into her eyes
Better hurry up and save her, do it quick before she dies...

It's Such A Good Thing

I support you.

No matter what.

Anything Could Happen Here

Now that school is at it's most important time, I feel myself wanting to go to school less and less, and would rather stay home creating art. Perhaps this is because I feel like words are letting me down lately, I need to show how I feel, not actually describe it. I find this happens during a happy period in life. I want to talk in colors, in shapes, anything that makes sense won't due. I guess I'm a hypocrite that way, or just human. While going through my hard times, all I wish is that words wouldn't fail me, that I wouldn't have to hide behind my blacks and blues. 

I have nothing really important to say, just I feel the need to rant on. I have a voice, so why don't I use it? After all, there are plenty of important topics that have yet to be spoken by my tongue. 

I guess friday was a big night for me, everything fell into place. I remembered who I was, that I was in fact loved, and people genuinely want to be my friend. It took a large group of boys for me to figure this out. I had nothing to feel self-conscience about, in fact they made me feel good about myself. Which is something that I don't obtain very often. There are five boys who need a good thanking. 

I am really looking forward to spending more time with you, I can really see us being greater friends down the road... Even if you do think that western is better then english. Hah!

I am sorry for hurting you as much as I did, I just don't think the time was right, although I am looking forward to renewing our friendship. 

Funny little arguments and games are helping me get through the days. Who is more sneaky? Who can hurt who more? Which sport is actually better? 

And these generous little offers have me smiling from ear to ear. 

♥ ♥ ♥ 

Someday Came Suddenly.

{There's so much beauty}

Plenty of words to be speaking too. So why can't any come to mind? Maybe because its just too hard to explain perfection. Beyond perfection? Everything I have wanted? No, nothing seems to fit.

Just know,

I

am

happier

then

ever.

I'm Taking You With Me

She will always remember.

No matter what.

Your True Colors

{And he died for her}

He wanted her to know, he would die for her. He just couldn't find the guts to tell her, for fear of her hating him since he knew perfectly well she was content with a different boy. But that different boy would have let her die. It was him that took the shot...

And never told her.

This kind of makes me realize that you should tell someone right away how you feel for them. What if you died the next day? Wouldn't you want them to know how much you cared for them?

I guess I take advantage

of my time.

Sometimes I wonder when we are talking if I'm "that girl". Sometimes I secretly wish I was, but then that leads me to thinking. And thinking is no good. Everything starts to snowball and then I end up confused and wondering what I really want. And then there's that final decision. But what if I was that girl? Would I really want to know if I was? Yes, I would. I would want to let you know everything that was on my mind, how my heart actually works.

But do I even have a heart?

I'm pretty sure I do. I know that this is something I haven't ever felt before. A pulling in the right direction. But how do I know its the right direction? I suppose I should just call it the scarier path. The path that leads to the unknown. Should I follow it? Yes. Something just tells me that I have to, because hey, I love you. And if it was easy to obtain, then it wouldn't be worth having.

And you make me feel

beautiful.

And then there are all those negative influences in my life. The ones I've picked up dirty habits from. Habits and vices I don't wish to have anymore. All the un-needed pressure that I gave into unwillingly. I don't wish to hate, to gossip, to backstab, to hurt. I wish to be who I am, not who you tell me to be.

And then there are days

like today.

I ramble on about all of this gibberish, and my favorite color changes from orange to yellow to blue within a matter of seconds, its times like these that I wish I had a firm grip on me, but then I think this is what I love about myself, my problem of not being able to decide. I feel content one minute, and then the next I couldn't tell you left from right. It's not that I'm complaining, its just that I'm telling you all my vices. So you can decide if you can handle all of this craziness that is me.

I just need a push.

And its days like today when I'm glad I have OCD, so something keeps me entertained. Make sure you unpluged the straightner, check that you locked the door. Wash your hands 3 times an hour. Other days it drives me up the wall, and I wish that I could just let things be. It always makes me feel better though when I straighten your shirt out and you shake your head and laugh at me, then wrinkling your shirt again.

Sometimes I think I'm

crazy.

I guess you could say you caught me on a good day, being completely 100% honest, even with things I like to hide from myself. Or maybe you would call it a bad day, hearing all of my ridiculous secrets. But there are some secrets I have not yet revealed...

Maybe you can figure them

out.

She's A Mess of Gorgeous Chaos, And You Can See It In Her Eyes

{You're nothing but a bully}

(And I'm so above that)

This Represents My Mind.

{Hey you, kiss me}

Nothing

and

everything

 comes 

to 

mind 

at 

the 

same 

time. 

How 

can 

I 

explain 

it?

{I can't}

{Oh yea, I love you♥}

My Favorite Accident

So, yesterday didn't really go as planned, but I do believe it was all worth it in the end. I know who wants to screw me over, I know who cares for me, and I know my values just a little bit more.
It was broken, now its fixed.

Manage me,
I am a mess,
swept under the rug of yesterday's home improvement,
a whimsical urge tossed aside for the easy reassurance of home and comfort.
I am the photograph tucked away as a book-mark,
in a book left half unread,
once reopened to find memories crawling back into peripheral sight,
faded, creased and lonely.
I long to be admired,
long to be held, torn and laughed at,
laughed with,
like a distant relative or an old friend breathing in their last breath.
I missed the moment when time collapsed and memory was erased,
replaced by finicky social experiments,
lost in the blur of intoxication,
sucked through multi-colored bendy-straws,
making way for a spinning world where hub-caps stood still,
but our vision didn't.
If I could leave you with only one thing,
it would be small, foldable, and made from trees,
with a few careless words,
scribbled in blue;

Take a minute to learn me,
take a moment to love me,
because I need your love to live,
and without it,
I am nothing.

Bounce, Bounce

After a day of feeling so negative and down about myself, I feel like it's only fair to have a day of positivity and fun.
Sometimes I break down so hard you can hear it, and when I can stand to come near it with means to repair, the chances of walking out unscathed are slim to none.
I know because I’m one; a victim of second-hand breakdowns and bad impressions, made under intoxicated conditions with poorly lit expressions. And I regret not going back, I regret not missing flights, I regret not asking for more and taking chances that I can only hope will not be forgotten. My fingers are crossed.

I-O-U.

Now my telephone’s dead and I can’t stand to hold out like this, but I’m constantly checking myself so as not to be a burden. Anything too heavy eventually gets dropped, no matter the cost. Let me be light as a feather, but valued enough so as to remain in a back pocket, until those jeans need washing and I find my place on a bedside table, to be read aloud on nights when memories and prying needs return to haunt the foundations of this room.

Pick me up,
Read me every now and then,
I won’t disappoint.
*I am* witty and engaging so bless me with attention, because I’m *dying* for attention *without* any means of telling *you*.

{But I'm having a good day}

Snitches and Talkers Get Stitches and Walkers.

Fuck you.

I'm done.

Sending Postcards From A Plane Crash.

{Please don't leave me}

Trying to find solutions but every plan just fails.

Not making any progress

just moving between jails.

And I know I might seem perfect,

but that’s far from the truth

and eventually you’ll find it,

find your needed proof.

And even you’d go crazy,

like even you can do.

And in the end you’ll realize

that I’m just a fool.

Don’t leave me now

And you might think about leaving,

but please give me a new chance

lets get in our airplanes

and crash back in romance.

Not promising to be perfect,

just that I’ll be me.

And hoping we can handle shit,

what will be, will be.

This not a fairytale

and has no happy end.

But deep inside you know it; I’m more than a friend.

Don’t leave me now

Let me crawl up against you

and please play with my hair.

Not thinking about the others,

no thinking; “is this fair?”

We we’ll be doing fine,

just me and you.

Not caring what the others think,

we’ll just do what we do.

I hope I have convinced you,

with my feelings put in rhyme.

But just to be sure,

I’ll ask you one more time;

Don’t leave me now

Silly me,

pretending I didn't know what

Heartbreak was.

I guess I remember now....

But maybe I am just jumping to conclusions

"As I do."

And maybe I should listen to you,

when you tell me not to worry.

But lets face it.

"Lets talk."

Never means anything good.

And now I'm wondering,

if those three small words

I love you

Are really just small,

meaningless

words.

Half As Much As You.

{I like who I've become}

Thank you, and you, and you, and you.

{They'll all be cheering for you}

Don't listen to him.

He is a monster.

You don't deserve that.

You deserve the world.

{This is see you later, I'm not into goodbyes}

This is me, playing you.

Because you played me.

Guess what?

I'm winning.

{These are the days that we will always remember.Chasing the night to make our days better.}

I think I'm ready.

{And you hold all of my secrets.

In white houses?}

Days Of The Old.

{I need out.}

I really, really, really wish, that I actually knew how I feel.

We're Not Afraid

You have my complete trust.
Promise.

Let Yourself Go (Give It Up)

Make up, gossip and

expensive clothes.

I know you - you were

one of those.

Who talked shit, made

lives miserable posing

to be a friend.

One day it'll come 

back to you and get 

you in the end.

Bite Your Lip.

{I fell for the trick.}

I know you still talk to her.

I know you tell her everything you tell me.

Watch us play you.

Like you played us.

You lost the game.

{Not like I care.}

And I feel a weakness coming on

It never felt so good to be so wrong

Had my heart on lockdown

And then you turned me around

And I'm feeling like a newborn child

Every time I get a chance to see you smile

It's not complicated

I was so jaded

{Hey, I love you. ♥}

It's Hard To Say "I Do" When I Don't.

To sum everything up.

I feel horrible.

About everything, and everyone.

Body Snatchers Forever.

Love Is Here.

Saturday, will be so beyond

♥ Amazing ♥

I Don't Take Hits, I Write Them.

"He called you pretty. Thats practically an insult. The way you look right now, your much more than beautiful"

You want to know why I love you?

It's because you loved me

when I didn't love myself.

It's because you held up my beauty for me to see.

It's because you cared unconditionally,

just the way I was.

It was because, for the first time in my life

I didn't have to work so hard at being happy.

Because with you, it just happens

I guess this is my

Thank You.

What A Catch, Donnie.

{Take my secrets?}

{I don't want them anymore.}

Hammer And Strings.

{I don't want this anymore.}

Secrets

Pure cold porcelain,

Keep my secret

Hide my sin,

My guilty relief

Rotting teeth and pale cold skin.

I’m looking in the twisted monster mirror

And within it I see a girl

Not yet too thin or too far gone,

It’s not enough, so I’ll hold on

Stay strong

Starve on…

I grow my bones

And swallow groans,

I survive on air

And breathe despair.

I want forgiveness for this sickness

That’s inside,

I can’t win

If I don’t lose,

I can choose to live - I choose to lie,

In my heart … I choose to die.

{Cure me?}

And my friend calls me up

With her heart heavy still

She says, "Andy, the doctors

Prescribed me the pills.

But I know I'm not crazy.

I just lost my will.

So why am I, why am I

Taking them still?"

The So Unknown.

I feel his arms slide around my waist
And I feel bloated
I feel him count my ribs, sticking out so horridly that it makes my friends wince
Yet I feel folds and folds of skin
He stares at the uneaten apple on my floor
The bite marks in the red skin, but no chunk missing
And he knows what’s wrong

We stand in front of my mirror
Full length, like I had always and always wanted
The pants that had fit me only two months ago perfectly
Slid off my waist into a pool around my ankles
And he stares at my hip bones, hands trailing over them on skin looking dead

I stare in the mirror
And see a beautiful boy, so perfect
Touching a girl who is gluttonous
With rolls of fat hanging there so ugly in my eyes
That it makes me gag and I push away,
Running to the bathroom.

He catches my wrist
And pulls me into his chest
And I know something’s wrong, since he’s never looked so
Scared
In the time I’ve known him
And I know at that moment I’ve done something wrong
Because he asks a simple question:

“What have you done?”

Stop.

I just don't even know what to think.

What to say.

What to feel.

How to act.

Run To You

{I need to talk to you,

and only you.}

Fuck This Shit.

{Clearly I can't get the point across.}

Do you want to talk about it?

No.

Do I want to talk to you?

No.

Tell me about your past.

No.

Do I want to be your friend?

No.

Do I want to help you?

No.

Can you do me a favor?

No.

Can I forgive you again?

No.

Can I trust you?

No.

"Can you hate her?"

No.

{I'm done being a pushover. Here is one giant no.}

The Strength To Go On.

Fuck anorexia.

you're still ugly

On the inside.

That's So You.

I want to feel you in my arms

You make my heart go off like car alarms

I think about you night and day

What can I say

I love you deep inside my heart

Where feelings cant be torn apart

I hope you feel the same for me

I just hope you see

The same as I do

The vision of loving you

Don't ever leave

Because,

that would be the last time I breathe

I want to stare into your sparkling eyes

That never tell any lies

Please be by my side

So I don't have to hide

Show Me Everything You've Got

{Isn't it wonderful?}

Everything's for you

My heart is open

And willing

So take it

I love you non-stop.

I've never felt so compelled,

to give every part of me away.

I'm your Hide-and -seek

So lets play this game.

And see if you can find this!

I want to know these pictures of us,

I don't want to say goodnight to records I love.

I was thinking about growing old, forgetting and forgot.

I don't want to forget this, and I don't want to be forgot

Just "never ever, ever, ever"

You look like the songs that I've heard my whole life coming true

Teenage Love Rock

Thats What She Said

{This is so true.}

I've never been good at forgiveness,

but I just forgave you.

it feels amazing to let go of such a strong hate.

Maybe we can become as close as we were again.

There is so much running around in my brain right now, I can't even form a sentence.

I am the dumbest person ever.

I shouldn't talk to you.

I can't stop thinking about you.

I love you.

Move To The Other Side Of The Block.

Someone To Save You

{This one's for you.}

That's the thing about letting old lovers go. You don't stop loving some of them. There are a couple you love no less than you ever did. You're not going to try and make it work again, but if they needed you, you'd drop everything.

{To the ones I love. And the reasons I won't.}

A shot to kill the pain, A pill to drain the shame, A purge to stop the gain, A cut to break the vein, A smoke to ease the crave, A drink to win the game; an addiction’s an addiction because it always hurts the same.

Me Vs. Everyone

{Why Do I put myself in these situations?}

Something I Can Never Have

{I wish I knew what to do}

she is rehabilitated

she's so glad that she can say

she is rehabilitated

she's feeling ok

A year goes by

And I can't talk about it

I don't deserve you

'Cause I'm not there for you

Please forgive me again

And I hush my urge to cry.

Don't Walk Away.

So.
It's official. I am the stupidest person to have ever walked this earth.
I don't know why I let last night become the way it did. I've lost trust with the people I love the most, I'm afraid that my reputation will be ruined, and I stabbed the one person I love the most in the back. And I just don't know who to talk to this about.
I always thought that I was above the typical high school scene, I guess not though. I got caught up in the moment and lost all the morals I believe in. Fuck.
F.K, J.L, B.W, M.J, thank you all so much for trying to help. With telling me stories of your first times and why I shouldn't feel bad, to letting me cry on your shoulder for a long time. And for calling my parents and walking me to a safe spot.
M.J, I really can't tell you how sorry I am though. I do realize that I ruined everything for you, and I hope that I can some how make it up to you. And I really hope because of my stupidity you don't lose your friendship with your close friends. I just wish I knew what to say and how to make it better.

If I could redo last night, would I?
You bet I would.

It wasn't worth him losing the trust in me.
But you are the best person in the world, for being mad at me but still holding back my hair and standing beside me while I was throwing up. And for helping me walk when I couldn't even stand up. I love you, and I never, never want to lose you. I hope that you can gain your trust back in me soon. You were the last person I ever wanted to hurt.

I Don't Break Hearts, I Just Dent Them.

{It's just the distance}

I do realize that I hurt you. This isn't what I wanted.

At the same time, you had to know.

Just how could it work?

{You've never been so used, as I'm using you, abusing you.

My little decoy.

Don't look so blue, you should've seen right through.

I'm using you, my little decoy}

I wonder what would've happened, if we stayed in touch before you left.

Would it have changed things?

You bet.

{And I'll be distant, the stars reminiscing.

Your heart's been wasted on me}

I have to say though.

Your poem made me want to cry.

{This reminds me}

When we took a picture,

of our hands,

in the shape of a heart.

{You're waking up

a part of me I've never known,

and I've never felt 

So invincible}

Things feel so perfect with you.

I know what it's like to:

Trust

Feel beautiful

Loved.

{So don't let anyone scare you.

you know that I'll protect you.

Always, now through the thick and thin.

Until the end}

Everything fell into place.

Who would've thought?

My best friend would mean so much more then that.

{So, let me say, that I love you.

You're all I've ever wanted.

All I've ever dreamed of to come.

And yes you did come}

I'd swim the ocean for you too.

I'm Broken, You Can't Fix It.

I'm tired.

Tired of feeling lost, afraid, misunderstood.

Tired of wondering if I'm letting someone down by the choices I've made.

I'm tired.

Tired of getting my feelings hurt, my ego bruised, my heart broken.

Tired of showing these varmin called emotions.

I'm tired.

Tired of being me, of being weak.

Tired of trying to be this person I cannot see.

I'm tired.

Tired of all the pain, all the struggle I've put upon myself.

Tired of not being the person I was.

I'm tired.

Tired of hiding, hoping, and healing.

Tired of listening, learning...letting.

I'm tired...I'm tired.

A Letter To Someone Like You.

& maybe I'm just scared.

The End.

I could be an expert on co-dependency, I could write the best book on underage tragedy, I've been spending my time at the local liquor store, I've been sleeping nightly on my best friends kitchen floor, So I sit and wait and wonder, "Does anyone else feel like me?" I'm so over dosed on apathy burnt out on sympathy.

{And I know the way I left wasn't fair.}

I can't remember if it's Thursday or December. I've been keeping track of days by counting hangovers and bottles on my floor. My mangled memory is making me mistake misfortune for forgiveness. I don't think I'll make it out alive. So promise me that you'll survive to bury me. Just empty all the alcohol and chronicle the chemicals, but don't forget the cigarettes. Remember every ember. Alright, I admit that past few months were broken and abused. Now I'm used to the bleeding and unspoken words that kept me so confused. Maybe we can get past these addictions, but the bodies piling up are a whole other story unless your stomach's strong enough. Hell, maybe we can just pretend that this recovery won't depend on moderation and in the end the same routine won't leave me dead. Just empty all the alcohol...or baby, we're dead. Tomorrow we'll wake up in time to stop this double suicide through kisses laced with cyanide and one last look through blood shot eyes. I guess this is what they call killing yourself in small doses.

{I hope the piano plays tonight, because something about the notes flying around our heads makes everything a little more magical.}

{you were all I ever wanted. and I was all you never wanted. just someone to fall back to every once in a while, someone to play head games with. someone to hurt.}

When there's nothing left to burn, you have to set yourself on fire.

& when i first met you, I never would have imagined that I would have such strong feelings for you. I never would have thought that I would have dreams about you, or miss being by your side, or get butterflies in my stomach when someone mentions your name. When I first met you I never would have thought that I would love you.

{I am writing graffiti on your body. I am drawing the story of how hard we tried.}

It's been a year filled with problems. But, now you're here, almost as if to solve them.

All We Know Is Falling.

Yes, it's days like these.

Sometimes I just plain old miss the simple problems you're faced with as a child. Thing's were just so much simpler then, were they not? I wish my only problem was not knowing which ice cream flavor to pick. 

It's A Hero I Want.

..... fuck.

Stay up too late, and I'm too thin.

We promise each other its 'till the end.

I don't care if you're bad for me.

You're the habit I just can't quit.

But I hold onto your secrets in white houses.

Forever. I promise.

I come undone at the things he said.

And he's so funny in his bright red shirt.

Do you remember that night?

-I hate how nothing is making sense to me right now. As hard as I try to put everything together, I just can't figure it out.

-It's hard knowing where I stand with everyone right now, I'm sorry if I've let you down lately, but please be patient with me.

+Everyone important to me seems to be in good health again, and I really hope it stays that way!

+I'm probably the luckiest girl in the world right now.

-School seems to be the last thing on my mind right now.

+Skittles :)

I've been in such a writing mood since last night. But everything is just jumbled up in my brain, and I can't find the words to say. 

Someone save me?

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