But Who Could Love Me, I Am Out Of My Mind.

There's something in the air.
Being outside has never appealed to me so much before.
There's just something about feeling the sun on my skin.
Wake up and smell the flowers.
This is going to be the most amazing summer ever.
How do I know?

I just do.

A Lack of Color and Emotion.

Paint me beautiful,

It's okay, I'm starting to believe that things will work out for the best. Faith and hope have refilled within me, and I can't be more grateful. I truely believe that its times like these that make us who we are. If you get through them.

*I'm so excited for a girls night tomorrow. It's exactly what I need to remind me that I am human. I've missed contact, and the warm hugs that make me smile.

*You were such a different person when I first met you. I thought that we had so much in common, so much of a connection that we could help each other through anything. It turns out though, that I was wrong. Why would I want to be friends with someone who suggests such horrible things, and treats my closest friends like dirt? I'm sorry, but I don't want to be a part of your games anymore.

*I see now that I am the only one who can make me happy. I shouldn't let other people (especially boys) control my feelings. Maybe I'm just having a good day, but for the moment I strongly believe that I won't let anyone get to me again. (Or maybe its the medication talking).

*Ellen Hopkins (I probably spelt that wrong) is the best writer ever. Her writing is so powerful, and meaningful. I don't know if I have ever read a book like "Impulse" and "Crank" that has ever hit so close to home.

*I feel like I've been missing out on the world lately. So many colors like yellow, and blue, and pink, and purple that I traded in for boring black and white. I've missed the days that I knew who I was and what I wanted. But I know that everything was for the best. That things are starting new for me.

*Let's set the world on fire tonight.

Pictures Speak A Thousand Words

I know its a silly notion. But I wish it was true. I know I'm supposed to have moved on from you. I know you are going away. But I will still always wish that you were mine. Just for once.

FK, I think you are so amazing. I can't help but smile everytime I with you. You had this funny way of making all of my fears and worries disappear. And I loved how you're hand can always find mine

And sometimes I have this silly feeling that I feel so horrible about me, about my life, because I don't believe in you "God". I'm sorry. I'm looking. I need something to believe in. Anything at all. Please find me?


We still can.. Or so I think. Maybe we can't save eachother because we are meant to be this way. You and I are both supposed to be this fucked up. One a fake, the other, a wreck. I bet you're even sorry that you ever tried to help me. You should have kept us strangers. Although I'm glad you didn't.

And Did You Know I Need You?

And today I asked someone to do something for me that I never thought I could before.
I asked them to pray for me.

Its no secret that the past little while has been a struggle for me. Except it kind of is.
I've only told a select few people who I can trust with all my heart.
I just don't even know how to thank you guys, you have no idea how much you have helped me.
No clue how you saved my life.

SH, ML, CM, LD, NR, you all are such amazing people. I don't know how I got as good as friends as you. I love you so much.

I'm scared for tomorrow. But I know everything will be okay, its mostly just having to walk through the doors, and proving to myself that I am a strong person. That I can put the past in the past.
And hell, even if there is something wrong with me, I know that I have the best friends in the whole world that would come down and hold my hand the whole way through my stay.

I know my time here isn't up. There is still so much I have to do, so much I have to learn.
I need to find something to believe in, someone to talk to. Lately, I've been talking to "God" hoping that he'll be there to help me get through one more day. I don't know what else to turn to, and I figure he is always listening.

Don't give up on me yet - I'm about to turn it all around.
(This I promise)