I'm Broken, You Can't Fix It.

I'm tired.

Tired of feeling lost, afraid, misunderstood.

Tired of wondering if I'm letting someone down by the choices I've made.

I'm tired.

Tired of getting my feelings hurt, my ego bruised, my heart broken.

Tired of showing these varmin called emotions.

I'm tired.

Tired of being me, of being weak.

Tired of trying to be this person I cannot see.

I'm tired.

Tired of all the pain, all the struggle I've put upon myself.

Tired of not being the person I was.

I'm tired.

Tired of hiding, hoping, and healing.

Tired of listening, learning...letting.

I'm tired...I'm tired.

A Letter To Someone Like You.

& maybe I'm just scared.

The End.

I could be an expert on co-dependency, I could write the best book on underage tragedy, I've been spending my time at the local liquor store, I've been sleeping nightly on my best friends kitchen floor, So I sit and wait and wonder, "Does anyone else feel like me?" I'm so over dosed on apathy burnt out on sympathy.

{And I know the way I left wasn't fair.}

I can't remember if it's Thursday or December. I've been keeping track of days by counting hangovers and bottles on my floor. My mangled memory is making me mistake misfortune for forgiveness. I don't think I'll make it out alive. So promise me that you'll survive to bury me. Just empty all the alcohol and chronicle the chemicals, but don't forget the cigarettes. Remember every ember. Alright, I admit that past few months were broken and abused. Now I'm used to the bleeding and unspoken words that kept me so confused. Maybe we can get past these addictions, but the bodies piling up are a whole other story unless your stomach's strong enough. Hell, maybe we can just pretend that this recovery won't depend on moderation and in the end the same routine won't leave me dead. Just empty all the alcohol...or baby, we're dead. Tomorrow we'll wake up in time to stop this double suicide through kisses laced with cyanide and one last look through blood shot eyes. I guess this is what they call killing yourself in small doses.

{I hope the piano plays tonight, because something about the notes flying around our heads makes everything a little more magical.}

{you were all I ever wanted. and I was all you never wanted. just someone to fall back to every once in a while, someone to play head games with. someone to hurt.}

When there's nothing left to burn, you have to set yourself on fire.

& when i first met you, I never would have imagined that I would have such strong feelings for you. I never would have thought that I would have dreams about you, or miss being by your side, or get butterflies in my stomach when someone mentions your name. When I first met you I never would have thought that I would love you.

{I am writing graffiti on your body. I am drawing the story of how hard we tried.}

It's been a year filled with problems. But, now you're here, almost as if to solve them.

All We Know Is Falling.

Yes, it's days like these.

Sometimes I just plain old miss the simple problems you're faced with as a child. Thing's were just so much simpler then, were they not? I wish my only problem was not knowing which ice cream flavor to pick. 

It's A Hero I Want.

..... fuck.

Stay up too late, and I'm too thin.

We promise each other its 'till the end.

I don't care if you're bad for me.

You're the habit I just can't quit.

But I hold onto your secrets in white houses.

Forever. I promise.

I come undone at the things he said.

And he's so funny in his bright red shirt.

Do you remember that night?

-I hate how nothing is making sense to me right now. As hard as I try to put everything together, I just can't figure it out.

-It's hard knowing where I stand with everyone right now, I'm sorry if I've let you down lately, but please be patient with me.

+Everyone important to me seems to be in good health again, and I really hope it stays that way!

+I'm probably the luckiest girl in the world right now.

-School seems to be the last thing on my mind right now.

+Skittles :)

I've been in such a writing mood since last night. But everything is just jumbled up in my brain, and I can't find the words to say. 

Someone save me?

[87]

The Town's Been Talking.

I can't stop thinking about you.
The more you're my mind, the more I want you here,
by my side,
holding me so close,
feeling your breath on me.
What I'd do to be in the same room as you,
to a room connected to your's,
for being a fly on your wall,
to watch your lips move as you tell me the things I want to hear

I need your touch,
the sweetest feeling known to all,
slowly and gracefully,
over my body.
I need your taste,
when our lips touch,
as the passionate kisses begin.
I need your scent,
the scent I could never forget,
as you hold me closely.
I need your voice,
to feel you close to me,
as you whisper in my ear.
Most importantly,
I need your sight,
to see you in front of me,
to look into your beautifully colored eyes,
to break the evil curse that god has given us,
for being so far apart,
to lose all these senses.

Wish You Were Here.

Kissing to remember

All the times I've said I love you

And had it said in return.

Holding you close,

Feeling your warmth,

Your lips,

Your tongue...

Kissing to forget

All the problems in the world,

Like the distance between us

When you aren't here.

Burying my head in your neck,

Feeling your gentle hands,

Your soft skin...

Kissing just to live

To smile, to feel

Wrapped up in you,

Surrounded, enclosed.

Hearing your heart,

Feeling you breathe,

Existing with you...

In White Houses.

What would you do. What would you say
If I up and left? If I went away?
Would you stand there with tears in your eyes?
Or watch me walking, waving goodbye?

Because I can’t stay here, in this empty town
With the empty smiles and the empty frowns.
No one is nothing and nothing is all.
If I leave should I give you a number to call?

If I write you would you write back?
I’ve wrote you 3 letters as a matter of fact.
And none of them have ever found their home.
They wind up in the wind, being read by the sun, alone.

I still can’t look you in the eye.
But I can’t leave without saying goodbye.
You were the first and it died with you there.
All things under the sun about which I care.
Just seemed to float away up through the air.

And it’s time I think that I should leave.
Please tell me if you get to missing me. . .

Do You Believe In Magic?

Some days it feels like magic
Spoken with a tongue.
The feeling of a first love,
Of being wild and young.

A name aloud is different,
Its spoken meaning true.
Flowing words with feeling
Making only sense to you.

A shining star at midnight
Lights the shadows on your face.
The whispering of autumn leaves,
Your sweetheart’s warm embrace.

A park bench holds a deeper truth
That what most people see.
It holds the warmth of lost romance
And vacant memory.

Though time moved on and left us
Sitting cold and lifeless on the floor,
There is still a bit of magic
Left over from before.

I thought I loved You, But It Was Just How You Looked In The Light.

All this chemistry between us...

Its unbearable.

So, I just don't really know what to say anymore. So maybe I will start from the very beginning.

You honestly made me the person I am today. The girl who is afraid to love, and the girl who is afraid to fall that hard again. I wish you really kept to your promise that no matter what you would always be there for me. I hope some day we cross paths again, because I miss you. I really hope that you miss me too.

Well, well, well. We stirred up some controversy now didn't we? As much as it hurt, and everyone tells me I should regret it, I don't. I never could. You came into my life to teach me a lesson, and thats what we are doing.. We are learning, together. Not alone. I miss you every day, and I wish that you were back home.. I can't even imagine what would have happened between us if you decided to stay. One part of me is glad that you left, but the other part wishes that you would have stayed, and not left. I guess that makes me selfish, but I don't care.

Thank you for taking a chance on me and letting me know I was worth it. I have never met someone who deserved more. Always I will remember you as the most caring, unselfish person. I promise to always hold you close to my heart.

Everything is so exciting, and stressful all at the same time. This is my last year. I can't wait to start my life and be out of high school, but at the same time I am so scared. What if I fail? What if I can't do anything I want to be in life? I've been trying to think of everything positvely, but it really is hard... I promise I'll try harder though. I'm sick of letting everyone down all the time.

And I Said, Did You Know I Miss You?

X's On My Calendar

So many thoughts
Things I’ll never say
I want to tell you
You’re my world
My everything
But I never say that
Not loud enough
For you to hear me
Whisper it to the stars
They know everything
All my secrets
Everything I’ve practiced
Saying over and over
Pretending
Its you I was holding
Not my pillow
The stars, your eyes
The wind, your whispers
My blanket, your arms
Just silly dreams of mine
Of things I’d never dare to do
Things I’d never dare to say
To anyone but the stars

'Till Tonight Do Us Part.

Always. Why?

Great and terrible things happen when you fly high. Which will happen to me? Well I guess I will have to find out. This time around I have my head and heart, so hopefully I don't lose both... again.

I guess I just think too negatively. If I thought with a more positive outlook, maybe I would be happier the majority of the time. Of course so many great things, and people have come into my life, and I have no clue how I came to deserve them.

Never Dream Alone.

I thought I could live in your arms

And spend every moment I had with you

Stay up all night with the stars

Confess all the faith that I had in you...

like a bad movie, I'll drop a line

Fall in the grave I've been digging myself

But there's room for two

Six feet under the stars...

If it's just a game,

Then I think I like the way that we play...

I'm just a little scared,

A little unprepared.

And I hope luck is on my side,

But if all goes to my plan,

I'll prove everyone wrong...

Save me

Because I can never float, sinking

Amaze me

And I would be there holding on for life...

Because,

I just want you to feel beautiful

For once in your life

Nights will come and go,

I won't hurt you,

You'll never dream alone...

Things Are Shaping Up To Be Pretty Odd.

Life has way too many rules, and regulations.
So what if I have more then one best friend?
So what if I don't have a boyfriend?

I really hope this happens between us.

I really, really do.

I can happily say that I am healthy.

Today was my last hospital visit.

And I'm glad to have it behind me.

I'm sorry to everyone,

if you feel I have not been myself lately.

I promise to try harder.

I felt as though I had become stronger.

You pushed me to the ground though,

and reminded me that I'm here to get walked all over.

I feel as if I might be going crazy.

I'm scared of what my future holds

after this year.

You love me, but you don't even like me.

I still wish you would come home though.

So I honestly think that you have

changed.

Congrats, I think you finally opened your eyes.

I'm so mad that you are with him again.

You deserve so much better.

I miss you and I love you.

Please send me a message so I know you're okay?

Everything is fluctuating so much.

One day is horrible,

then the next, the best day of my life.

I honestly don't hate school this year,

and I feel like a nerd for enjoying it.

I wish you would hurry up,

and ask me out.