Your True Colors

{And he died for her}

He wanted her to know, he would die for her. He just couldn't find the guts to tell her, for fear of her hating him since he knew perfectly well she was content with a different boy. But that different boy would have let her die. It was him that took the shot...

And never told her.

This kind of makes me realize that you should tell someone right away how you feel for them. What if you died the next day? Wouldn't you want them to know how much you cared for them?

I guess I take advantage

of my time.

Sometimes I wonder when we are talking if I'm "that girl". Sometimes I secretly wish I was, but then that leads me to thinking. And thinking is no good. Everything starts to snowball and then I end up confused and wondering what I really want. And then there's that final decision. But what if I was that girl? Would I really want to know if I was? Yes, I would. I would want to let you know everything that was on my mind, how my heart actually works.

But do I even have a heart?

I'm pretty sure I do. I know that this is something I haven't ever felt before. A pulling in the right direction. But how do I know its the right direction? I suppose I should just call it the scarier path. The path that leads to the unknown. Should I follow it? Yes. Something just tells me that I have to, because hey, I love you. And if it was easy to obtain, then it wouldn't be worth having.

And you make me feel

beautiful.

And then there are all those negative influences in my life. The ones I've picked up dirty habits from. Habits and vices I don't wish to have anymore. All the un-needed pressure that I gave into unwillingly. I don't wish to hate, to gossip, to backstab, to hurt. I wish to be who I am, not who you tell me to be.

And then there are days

like today.

I ramble on about all of this gibberish, and my favorite color changes from orange to yellow to blue within a matter of seconds, its times like these that I wish I had a firm grip on me, but then I think this is what I love about myself, my problem of not being able to decide. I feel content one minute, and then the next I couldn't tell you left from right. It's not that I'm complaining, its just that I'm telling you all my vices. So you can decide if you can handle all of this craziness that is me.

I just need a push.

And its days like today when I'm glad I have OCD, so something keeps me entertained. Make sure you unpluged the straightner, check that you locked the door. Wash your hands 3 times an hour. Other days it drives me up the wall, and I wish that I could just let things be. It always makes me feel better though when I straighten your shirt out and you shake your head and laugh at me, then wrinkling your shirt again.

Sometimes I think I'm

crazy.

I guess you could say you caught me on a good day, being completely 100% honest, even with things I like to hide from myself. Or maybe you would call it a bad day, hearing all of my ridiculous secrets. But there are some secrets I have not yet revealed...

Maybe you can figure them

out.