Fly On The Wall.

You don't understand what it is

That makes me tick

But you wish you did

You always second guess,

wonder if I say yes

but you just lose out every time

If you only knew what I talked about

When I'm with my friends just hangin' out

Then you'd have the inside scoop

On what to say, what to do

That way when you play the game

Baby you could never lose

You'd love to know, the things I do

When I'm with my friends, and not with you

You always second guess, wonder if

There's other guys I'm flirting with

You should know by now

If you were my boyfriend, I'd be true to you

If I make a promise, I'm comin' thru

Don't you wish that you could

See me every second of the day

That way you would have no doubt

That baby I would never stray.

When Two Are One.

I can't wait for my date tonight.

I can't wait for my date tonight.

I can't wait for my date tonight.

I'm so over you.

Give Me One Good Reason Why In Time I Should Believe In You

Did ya think about me being half awake and crying,

Lying on the floor and waiting for the break of day.

Didn't think about tearing me apart,

At any moment in the night you could have tried to make it right.

why, why, why?

I'll Be Your Number One With A Bullet.

What's a girl to do?

Stay sober, or say hello to my friends again?

I must forget about everything and runaway.

Here I am. World. Again. Its been a while. Its been sometime. Fuck this romance. Theres nothing left to love. Kiss these bloody knuckles and cut knees. Up or down. Go fuck yourself. Please. If you don't mind. Thank you. What a polite girl. BANG. welcome back Kay. Kill em all and let god sort em out. Kill em all and don't tell your parents. Cover up

Don't get me wrong, I'm totally happy it happened this way.. I don't mean to sound bitter.

Five minutes ago iFwas: letting you win.

But you're not(hing).

The sleep T haven't been getting lately due to flying pretty much everywhere but home is pulling down my eyelids.

It is trying to tell me the right thing to do.

"Go to sleep."

But it doesn't ever come to me.

He is the one that brings it to me, tucked behind my ears with my hair at his fingertips.

Ever knew someone that could talk you out of every belief you've ever had without saying a word?

I'm the bad kid on the good team playing against the bad team full of the good kids.

And either way we both lose the game.

But I don't care whose field we're on because I am the mvp.

You will learn that.

Take your next shot, if I still stand after the first one take another hit. Lined up and ready.

Just because you're up for bat doesn't mean you're getting any points.

So for now sleep with this on your conscience and your teeth dug into the nightstand.

Oh sweetheart, I want to kiss your forehead but you'll be on your deathbed.

Just keep your eyes close(d) and believe the lie because the truth will leave you crying.

You may have made the bridge but we burned it down and rebuilt it better.

You are not your status.

We come to a roadblock that makes us stop for a second but we always keep going.

There is a way to resolve everything.

Hearts are everywhere and we are watching.

And the thing I hate the most about you, is that you make me love you.

Cross My Heart

Goodbye, my love.

I hope you have a fun safe trip this weekend, I miss you like crazy already, I guess thats just me being silly, or in love.

Two days will be filled with White Houses.

Welcome To Wherever You Are.

Baby, it's you.

It always has, it always will.

Last night was so ridiculously hard, but I did it. I stayed strong and I did not fall to the bottle to comfort me.

I texted you instead.

You saved me.

I wish that I could have you with me all the time, I know thats selfish of me, but its true.

The angel on this side is fine, and I hope the angel on your side is fine too.

I'm loving life,

and I'm loving you.

Drink Me Up In Your Thoughts, Just Like I Do With You, Are You Left Thirsty Too?

Why can't I find pictures I like anymore?

It would be great if I could fucking sleep.

I think I can't because I forgot to tell him:

Goodnight, I love you, I miss you.

I'm Gunnin' For You

I Guess I feel alone in this.

I hate my fingers, I hate my feelings. Out of touch, we'll pretend this is all this is. Being alone is terrifying, but I won't let that stop me. I can't. The fact that it scares me is the same principal I base the fact that I cannot stop. I have to learn. I have to fear. I have to grow. The show must go. When I can finally write down what I think to the tune of only myself as the audience then I know I will be saying what I mean.

I wish I could hate you as much as I hate myself. No, I don't wish to go back to my old ways, but damn, you make it so tempting. Just one puff, life is better. Pop a pill? No big deal. I find it thrilling and terrifying when you teach me new ways of self destruction. I love it when you tell me about a new reckless thing you have done, it makes me wish I was right by your side doing it, baby, we could have killed eachother.

Played, I thought I was playing you, but babe, you played me better, good game. I was your decoy, and hey, I don't think I really did mind. Its the ignoring part that hurts me the worst by far, no goodbyes, no "sweetie, this was fun, but you had to know it couldn't last." Maybe it's all in my head and everything is perfectly fine, maybe you just don't want to talk to me right now, but you know how I do, I let things fester in my head and think of bad situations.

I secretly love the feeling. Im a fucking size zero. Invisible, nothing but air. I loved trying on every dress tonight knowing that I was going to be modeling a size zero. That girls would look at me and question themselves, secretly being envious. then there will be the people who are concerned from me "Someone needs to tell that girl she needs to eat something." Well fuck you all, count the ribs sticking out of my body and trace your fingers over my hipbones.

I'm having troubles with trust lately. I wish I didn't. Always second guessing yourself is not a good way to spend your time. I hate living in my head so much, I want to be out in life again, but when I live in reality, I get fucked up. I get hurt. As much as I hate to say it, I miss rehab, I was so safe a protected, not to mention I was living with my best friend.

Don't get me wrong, it's not like I want to do it again, its just like an addiction always at the back of my mind. I miss sharp objects scarring my skin, I miss the trickle of blood down my legs, I miss sticking my finger down my throat. But these are habits I never want to fall back to again. I guess Im just saying this so people know how it is. It's an addiction, and it's hard to quit.

All this me time has really helped me though, I know what I want and when I want it. I know when to speak up and be confrontational, I will never let another person step on me again. I won't go down without a fight, I'm going down swinging.

It starts to be time to be better at everything at the same time. Trust will bind us. And it will also destroy us all together if we neglect to let it be in complete control of our decisions and our actions. Say whatever you want because I can laugh it off. Sure I can. But that says nothing of the resilience only wish I knew. For the handful of people I am aware of that possess the ability to make me feel entirely safe I can only pray to g(G)od that lines are never crossed. In a time and a day and a place where for more of myself than anything else, the beating heart of your day to day life is a complete risk, and where people can turn on dimes, I cannot imagine what it would be like to feel such betrayal. I am a monster.

I keep getting myself wrong. "Nothing bad is happening to me" doesn't make sense anymore. It just gets so scary sometimes all it takes is a flat bmx tire and you think you're headed for serious disaster.

I don't ever want to be a complete and utter lack of a good reason to fight for something.It doesn't feel like I get stronger by the second, right now I feel suspended in air. But its probably more just the altitude. The air is so fucking thin up here it makes you sick faster than it makes you smile.

Its the fear that drives us. Its that same fear that keeps us on a razors edge. I will always be deathly afraid of falling. Out of trees, out of love, and out of touch.

And at the end of the day,

I hated sleeping alone.

There’s nothing worse when you’re lost

And you don’t wanna go home.

I am done ranting now.

This Is Me, My Story.

Things were amazing.

I loved him,

I loved myself.

I started to doubt myself,

I hated who I was, what I looked like.

He wouldn't let me though.
He thought I was perfect.

I just couldn't see what he saw in me,

beauty.

I pretended things were fine,

I was still in love,

and the monster still hadn't taken over completely,

yet.

I became obsessed.

Weighing myself constantly,

doing ANYTHING to lose the weight.


I hated myself, even more.
I was never going to be who I wanted to be.
Who would ever love me,
when I looked like this?

He always knew when I was introuble,

when I was locking myself away,

when I was running away.

His love was always there,
But I pushed it away


And I always came to him for help,
but it just wasn't enough.
I needed more then love.


Anything to become who I wanted to.
I was completely gone now.
No love,
Just someone to help me self destruct.

This girl died.

Lucky for me,
I realized I needed help.


I love him,

I love me,

I am healthy.
I do not own an eating disorder.

I'll Write Another Letter To Myself.

You just always have to do this to me,

don't you?

I'm upset I couldn't find the picture that I wanted to use for this post, but I guess this one will just have to do, since I know someone is very impatient.

Hey baby, its you.

I love you.

I'm So Excited I Haven't Spoken.

I Can't Resist The Day

Stay Up Too Late And Im Too Thin, We Promise Each Other It's Till The End.

Where would I be without you.

She said baby don't leave,

be home stay close be close to me,

boy dont' be gone.

He said baby you know I gotta run I gotta go,

I won't be long, girl I won't be long.

She said boy don't you flirt,

and baby please just don't get hurt.

And if you feel alone then here take my shirt.

He said forever girl, I know you hate the weather girl,

so maybe you should hold onto my sweater girl.

She ran picked up the phone,

said babe I miss you come back home.

It can't be long, boy it can't be long.

He said I hate this place,

I miss your smile I miss your face

I wrote a song, girl I wrote a song.

She said you make me better boy,

I just mailed you a letter boy,

and oh just so you know I'm still in your sweater boy.

He said girl don't be hurt,

I've sweat a lot and smell of dirt,

and I think I'd feel naked without your shirt.

He said you're looking great,

I'm home I'm back I couldn't wait

girl way too long, this was way too long.

She said get over here,

I crave you close I need you near.

Now play that song, boy play me our song

He said back to forever girl,

hope you endured the weather girl,

now all I wanna do is get you outta that sweater girl.

She said I like the way you flirt,

I'm so glad you didn't get hurt,

now let me see you naked without that shirt.

Put Up Or Shut Up.

She gets what she wants and she breaks what she gets,

get out while you can or she'll tear you to pieces

Where Is Your Boy Tonight? I Hope He Is A Gentleman.

Support, I need it with all my craziness.

The one person I need,

the only person thats my advicer,

is over 3553 miles away from me.

And I need this person only.

You were the last good thing,

about this part of town.

You Can Live With Me In This House I've Built Out Of Writers Blocks

Hey Fancy Kid, I love you.

I feel like there is a lot on my mind. Decisions, what to do. Who loves me and who doesn't? I think I'm starting to figure it all out. My problem though is hurt, is trust, is love. What does it all mean?

I just need that one set of arms telling me that it's okay.

They were the first set of arms.

They will be the last set of arms.

He showed me a lot of firsts.

There will be no lasts.

So, I guess I know what to do.

Put me on a pedestal,

tell me how much I mean to you.

I thought long and hard today about white houses and the color red. I can't get it out of my head. But hey, I don't want it to leave.

Stay up too late, and I'm too thin

We promise each other it's 'til the end

Planes, Trains, and Tour Buses

I will lay right here, and wait for you.

You sent me a note

A small little note

On it three words

That's all you wrote

It wasn't "I miss you"

It wasn't "It is fate"

It wasn't "I love you''

It was " I will wait"

I guess this is because

love poems

can't be

alone.

Squirming in bed,

Looking beyond the distant sky,

I can't shake the thought of you,

Not that I want to.

I know that you wait with me,

All the time and not a moment without each other.

Braving this tide of unbreakable silence,

Holding onto a raft of truthful hopes.

This waiting drives time to fly,

Days? Weeks? Or has it really been years?

But I am still waiting for you,

Like the truth that time is the measurement of all that is of true value.

I don't know how long I can wait,

Whether forever, and after, if it needs to be,

For I know I will not stop,

Until I hear from you again.

And thats not even the start of it. I know I could write for days and days about our love, if only I could find the words to say.

I will be waiting

With my red dress,

And your red tie.

Poor Little Rich Girl

I'm getting tired of being awake

I'm getting tired of dragging my feet around

I'm getting tired of being so hungry

I'm getting tired of starving for affection

I'm getting tired of isolating myself

I'm getting tired of watching the sun come up

I'm getting tired of tossing and turning

I'm getting tired of self medicating

I'm getting tired of sweating when i sleep

I'm getting tired of not cuddling

I'm getting tired of daydreaming, all day long

I'm getting tired of being this close this far

I'm getting tired of not having what i want when i want it

I'm getting tired of slutty phone numbers

I'm getting tired of empty gratuity

I'm getting tired of the dark

I don't want to live where my shadow can offer the light.

I don't want to go where we're beautiful only at night.

A Heartbreaking Work Of Staggering Beligerance

Can't fault a fucker for trying.

I Can Remember When I Mattered, Just Not To You

So I don't hold the world in my hands.

I think I need to own up to that.

I can't help everyone.

Especially you.

I'm done trying to help you.

I'm done saving you.

I'm just a girl whose circumstances went beyond her control, beyond my control - we all need control. I need control -we all need control

I'm Always Teeter Tottering Between The End And Starting Over.

Because We Love Each Other.

Who wants to be loved from a pedestal? Take me down and show me what living is like. Who wants to be loved from the bottom of your sole? Pick me up and treat me like an equal - even if I'm not. I've become the moth that lights draw in only to get too close and be burned. My light is the screen, the worst kind of light. Wonder what it would be like to be stuck on the side of the road in a windstorm, wonder why I've never been before. Every new fate I inexplicably hear about on tv I wonder why it wasnt sent my way. Not that I want it to be - but more like in the sense where I wonder what I've done to not only avoid death but to become friends with it. What is worse - caring too much or not caring at all? Anymore, the only happy medium is a fortune teller with a credit card machine. Love the way you bring me out of my bad moods but hate that you're the one that puts me in them in the first place. I'd take blame for myself to circumvent being a hypocrite but all I did wrong was love you. "You won't be liked, but you'll be loved." Give me a map and tell me to go to hell, but I've already found it somewhere between the gutter and the glam.

The more I think about it-its kinda weird. Strange but true. Everytime I saw the clock say it was "11:11" I thought of what I wanted most and I just wished to be happy. Nothing else. But it wasn't working cause time would pass and I'd still be unhappy. I almost gave up on the whole "11:11" thing. Then it hit me tonight by the look in his eyes, that all those wishes I made over time have piled up and finally came true at once.

You can never really predict the end of anythjng, just what you lose from it.

Because I Don't Know What Else To Do.

Everything is lost.
The debrie is swept under a rug but still there
we both have the same disease,
you're no worse than me and Im not any better than you.
Having emotions is reason enough to get a prescription refilled.
We were the same in too many ways,
its all because I spent one night being disappointed I went without you
one night of missing you and your warm body curled up to mine
of wanting to rob golf carts..
Still in shock that what I confided to you made headlines
like leaving me wasn't bad enough,
but you have to use what i told you were my weaknesses agaisnt me
things I would never say or do to you,
just to fit in
just to steal my friends from me and prove you could.
Prove the only true person in my life really was you
so have them if it makes you happy,
thats all I ever wanted and never attained.
I never deserved you and I told you that all along.
I am right sometimes,
and I dont plan on eye for an eye
or lie for a lie,
your secrets are safe between my lips..
I dont plan on letting anyone else ever get near them again

Fuck, don't do this to yourself.
There is help.

I hope you're having a good rest.

Because I'm up tossing and turning.

Baby Won't You Come And Take This Pain Away

Your love is the barrel of a gun, so tell me, am I on the right end?

she was a beautiful girl with big blue eyes, hiding her secrets of hurt and lies. She wore sweaters every single day hoping the scars would just fade away.

Praying is like remembering everything I should have been. It seems like I'm expecting all of this. Not so much these small glories, but more this great demise. And its not like I don't know whats coming. I've been fucking schooled. Steeped in all of this.

I know how shallow the water is. Why are we still diving then? Can't blame a fool for trying? You sure fucking can. Hold your head up high. Its the last Living sign of any sort of confidence. You don't have to be rich, you don't have to be brilliant to pretend to know what you're doing either. Hands up if you can't feel the bottom yet!

Snowflakes that land on the same nose, the same fingertip, the same airwave. Whats the last thing you wanna hear before you land? Think of humans like snowflakes and how many disappear unacknowledged, unnoticed. How annoying they both can be in big groups. Sure, there's ways to end it like shovels and snowplows. Earplugs and pharmacies. I prefer thinking of it as you are born with love and die with hate. Even the snowflakes on your flesh melt. They cant be saved. Its suicide if you didnt know any better. Im not too old to know better if I still dont know anything. I'd say I've had every drop of care and love im capable sucked dry from me but if that was true I'd have a tag around my toe. What keeps me going isn't the mirror I cant look in. It isn't the clothing I can wear (or take off) its about hope and hanging on. That someone out there will understand me. Deep down I think I understand myself - I cant be understood. Its about accepting myself. Im not normal. How can I love myself if I can't even stand me. I dont like being jealous and insecure. I dont like questioning what he's doing when my back is turned. I'm not normal at all. I dont need an MRI result to tell me that. I dont need a doctors mumbled, hushed words to his associate without looking up from their clipboards. I dont need fresh ink on an unending list of problems. I don't need capital letters on a pill bottle. I dont need to hear how theres no space left in the cupboard because pill bottles line the shelves. I dont need a pharmacist that knows me by name. I dont need fucking labcoats and therapists that could live off my money alone deep down knowing I can't be helped. No prescription in the world is going to help. I'm fucked. And everyone wants someone they can save and when they get the chance the only thing they save is the reciept. Back on the market with signs of wear and tear. Worn down. Press my hand to my forehead like it'll help these thoughts stop running on end and actually end. If you ever doubt I'm alone count the rings under my eyes. Slept till 6 because I'm not alone when my eyes are closed. Time is just when the sun is up or down. Time is running out. Every day im closer to hugging dirt. Every day is another day I should have been with him. Every day is another day I should have known him. 6 and 3 and 12 are the same thing when you wake up alone with your back to where heshould be. What does it matter? Asleep you don't have to think about how you'd do anything to have the weight on the bed his body used to give. The glass isn't half full or half empty its broken. And its just one glass so its alone.

Cutting you out of my life involves a knife, rusty from dried tears that leaves me bleeding instead of you.

No Chance, Of Walking Away Without A Scratch

Stab my back, it's better when I bleed for you.

I don't know who to trust,

everyone is gone.

Now we're broken on the floor

She just wants me to share her

It hasn't been this way before

She just wants me to dare her

It's just a game to all of you.

Don't you know, it will fuck you.

It made you, talk about me.

That fucking monster.

The phone rings

And she screams

Stab my back

It's better when I bleed for you

You walk on me

It never was enough to do

When I wanted to try it,

I got judged.

Now that you've tried it,

and I did not,

you're the ones judging me.

I can't get past her

Falling fast

It's true

It hasn't done a lot for you

Drugs, or me?

It's a question I've asked

a lot lately.

I hope that love he gave you

Was just enough to save you

You nearly broke my heart

Just look at what you're tearing apart

I hope you all have fun,

coming off the monster.

I hope you all have fun

becoming the stoners

everyone judges.

You bet your asses I will

be judging you.

Make fun of me all you want

for leaving a party with drugs

and alcohol.

Make fun of me all you want

for going to rehab.

Yeah, thats where I've been.

Please, call me a pansy,

for sticking up for what I believe in,

for something that won't take over my life again.

I hope you all fucking like

crashing.

Because you will, hard.

It's not worth losing

relationships, and trust over.

I've Got A Dark Alley, And A Bad Idea That Says You Should Shut Your Mouth.

And you saved me.

The last person I ever expected to have my back ever again did. He saved me tonight.

Broke down on the bathroom floor crying, he sat down beside me and wrapped his arms around me. It felt so good, so familiar. It's been a place I've been missing more then I've let myself know, I guess I kind of just blocked it out.

I can't get over how in love I was with you, I want that feeling back, You don't even know. My heart is ready to explode.

But Im going to get better first. Then, its on.

Jack Attack

Kelsey thinks its stupid she can't get you off her mind.

I feel frustrated that I let someone do this to me. But I've accepted it, it's like, you fuck, and you get fucked.

I get to go back to my fictional boyfriends now.

=]

Don't Leave, Don't give Up On Me, Two Weeks And You Ran Away.

So I guess it all kind of hit me, right now.
I am officially alone.
Ouch.

If You Want To Go Down In History.

I just need to breathe.

The problem was I was I didn't give up on you,

while you were giving up on me.

You're a bitter waging war and i'm neutral country.

Couldn't give a fuck or a fuck less anymore.

Just wanting to exi(s)t.

The phone ringing lulls me to sleep.

Tetters with the ink still wet slap me in the face and leave numbers that don't add up.

Your back isn't turned but the page has.

We're behind on living.

Should take the comfort I can in the fact you can't replace me,

but that doesn't keep my bed warm at night.

Your boring smile became necessary.

Taking back everything i said to him just to have a part still with me.

Staplegunned to my side not like a romantic but more like a parasite.

He's putting the over in lover.

And "un" back in loveable.

The purples blues and reds are all black with the sheets pulled over your head.

Gonna pick up a habit to replace you.

One after another.

Still need a fix.

But its okay, I think I found one. A good fix. A permanent one.

This wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. Maybe since it was such a heartless decision, it wasn't able to break my heart. "Drugs or me?" I guess I don't compare to weed.

There are so many questions I feel like I have to ask myself, but Im too scared to give myself the answers, I need someone else to answer for me. To point me in the right direction. My mind also feels very cluttered, yet again I can't get anything out into words. I came on here to write a very specific entry, and I forgot what it was about, so now Im just rambling like a crazy person.

I'm glad today that I opened my eyes and realized everything. Its true, I do only deserve the best. And you are the best for me. I've never felt more loved, beautiful and respected in my whole life. I hope this one sticks around for a bit.

I hope its a good roller coaster ride.

Ex's and Oh's

Everybody Bleeds The Same

Drugs or me?

I'm mad as a hatter, and thin as a dime.
I would rather be alone, with Aliens and Rainbows.

So. Where do I begin?
First off, you are amazing, I just don't know what to do about you, about this. You know I support you in everything you do. I just can't do this, I promised myself that I would always stick to my values and morals. I wish you would chose drugs over me. I hope I can help you. But I can only help you so much, I have to help myself first.

That is my next point. Yes, I relapsed. I went to emergency at 4 in the morning, I didn't get admitted into rehab until 4 in the afternoon, 12 hours waiting for the help that I needed.
Rehab is awful. A nurse is by your side all the time and you are never allowed any time alone, they check on you when you are in the bathroom, and sleeping. You aren't allowed visitors or phone calls, and you have to go to bed at 8.30. You weren't allowed to make friends, although I did, even though we got in trouble.

I love Kevin, and Harrison, and Emily, and Megan, they were all so amazing when I was there breaking down, wishing there was a razor cutting through my skin.

I'm better now though, things will be good. Im still not chatting a lot to different people, but thats just because I have to focus on my frame of mind, everything should be back to normal in a week or so though.

I hate talking about rehab, so if there's anything you want to know, just ask me.

Thank you all for being so amazing, I love you all so much.

Love always, Kelsey.

Sometimes You Don't Wake Up. But If You Happen To, You Know Things Will Never Be The Same.

You were the best part of my life, my last regret. For you, I'd tear my own heart out, and write our names together.

Wish you could turn off the questions, turn off the voices, turn off all sound. Yearn to close out the ugliness, close out the filthiness, close out all light. Long to cast away yesterday, cast away memory, cast away all jeapordy. Pray you could somehow stop uncertainty, somehow stop the loathing, somehow stop the pain. Act on your impulse, swallow the bottle, cut a little deeper, put the gun to your chest. Death chokes you, gags you, but you have to pretend you're doing just fine, not trembling with fear because the ends close. You fly until you crash two days, two nights, no food, no sleep, come down off the monster. YOU CRASH REAL HARD. Its a bitch on the body but damn do you fly high.

Life is all about change. If it were static, think about how boring it would be. You can't be afraid of it, and you can't worry that you'll mess things up. You deserve good things, and I want to be one of them. Forever has no meaning when you're living in the moment. I wasn't ready for that moment to end.

Funny thing, your brain,how it always functions on onelevel or another. How, even stuck insome sort of subconcious limbo, it worksyour lungs, your muscle twitches, your heart,in fact, in symphony with your heart, allowing itto feel love. Pain. Jealousy. Guilt. I wonder if it’s thesame for people, lost in comas. Is there really such a thing .

I am so much like her. A grenade of my own anger explodes inside my head. I am damaged. Decayed. A gust of wind roughs up my hair. The paper airplane sits heavy in my hand. I cock back my arm, release, let it fly straight to hell.

I love all of you. I really, really do. I hope that this last post will be enough to keep me in your memories for the time being. I don't really know what to say, other then Im glad Im getting the help I need. I wish I could keep posting and letting everything out, but I guess thats what a hospital is for.

I'm going to miss every single one of you. Just remember, I'll be be back soon, right before you know it. I promise, it has to work out this way.

It has to.

Love Always,

Kelsey.

The Way She Feels.

I tried to kill the pain

but only brought more

so much moreI lay dying

and I'm pouring crimson regret and betrayal

I'm dying, praying, bleeding and screaming

am I too lost to be saved

am I too lost?

The Only Way That I Know How To Feel.

I don't think I really mind being the ugly duckling. ♥

Kill Me In A Record Shop

I am scared I will ruin this.

I love hip bones and rib bones,

Collar bones and skin tones,

Tight clothes that're low cut;

Show your bones like a weightless slut.

Protuding out and concaved in,

Fight the food and you can win.

Sexy skin with pink scarred wrists,

I hate how much I'm wanting this.

Fat to ashes, bones to dust;

Falling, fading, love and lust.

Something I'm not, I have to be,

Because only then can I be me.

I’ve let people take advantage of me, and I’ve accepted way less than I deserve, but I’ve learned from my bad choices and even though there are some things I can never get back and people who will never be sorry, I’ll know better next time and I won’t settle for anything less than what I deserve.

I'm All Dressed Up For You, In Red, And My Intentions Aren't So Good.

I blur the lines that define who I am and where I'm going to be,
I break down walls and build bridges that span the sea,
These hands catch fire and ignite the things I hold dearest to me,
so what is the consequence,
when I've got the whole world at my finger tips?

I feel bored lately. Too much coloring inside the lines, to much living like I'm not alive. I need to just "art out" so to speak. Routine has driven me to insanity.

I want to fuck up. It's like I'm daring the world to throw sticks and stones at me, because frankly, I feel untouchable. I want to just be stupid for a little while, do something and get in trouble for it. Now why would I want this? Because I'm bored.

I want to go all the way, I want to try things I have never tried before, I want to get high and get drunk, just to forget everything. Call me stupid, call me arrogant, I don't care. I'm living the way I want to now. Recklessly and out of control.

There is one thing that I have grown to hate. And I don't hate very often. Its the drama that you insist on bringing into my life. Stop threatening me. Stop threatening my boyfriend. I broke up with you for a reason, so get the fuck out of my life. I don't belong to you, and I never will.

I don't get angry in a lot of situations, but that just needs to get addressed. I swear to "God" if he fucks this one up, he has another thing coming.

Thank you to the couple of boys who are keeping me sane, and letting me live my rebel side for a while. I don't need to be protected all the time. I'm not a little girl anymore.

I'm excited to be here - Excited to live in the moment,
Excited to hold hands with fast times,
because I go with the flow like spilled drinks.