Sometimes You Don't Wake Up. But If You Happen To, You Know Things Will Never Be The Same.

You were the best part of my life, my last regret. For you, I'd tear my own heart out, and write our names together.

Wish you could turn off the questions, turn off the voices, turn off all sound. Yearn to close out the ugliness, close out the filthiness, close out all light. Long to cast away yesterday, cast away memory, cast away all jeapordy. Pray you could somehow stop uncertainty, somehow stop the loathing, somehow stop the pain. Act on your impulse, swallow the bottle, cut a little deeper, put the gun to your chest. Death chokes you, gags you, but you have to pretend you're doing just fine, not trembling with fear because the ends close. You fly until you crash two days, two nights, no food, no sleep, come down off the monster. YOU CRASH REAL HARD. Its a bitch on the body but damn do you fly high.

Life is all about change. If it were static, think about how boring it would be. You can't be afraid of it, and you can't worry that you'll mess things up. You deserve good things, and I want to be one of them. Forever has no meaning when you're living in the moment. I wasn't ready for that moment to end.

Funny thing, your brain,how it always functions on onelevel or another. How, even stuck insome sort of subconcious limbo, it worksyour lungs, your muscle twitches, your heart,in fact, in symphony with your heart, allowing itto feel love. Pain. Jealousy. Guilt. I wonder if it’s thesame for people, lost in comas. Is there really such a thing .

I am so much like her. A grenade of my own anger explodes inside my head. I am damaged. Decayed. A gust of wind roughs up my hair. The paper airplane sits heavy in my hand. I cock back my arm, release, let it fly straight to hell.

I love all of you. I really, really do. I hope that this last post will be enough to keep me in your memories for the time being. I don't really know what to say, other then Im glad Im getting the help I need. I wish I could keep posting and letting everything out, but I guess thats what a hospital is for.

I'm going to miss every single one of you. Just remember, I'll be be back soon, right before you know it. I promise, it has to work out this way.

It has to.

Love Always,

Kelsey.