XO

I found what I want.

It's you.

I've heard enough about partying, about drinking, about things that could get out of control fast. I'm sick of reckless ways, and habits that hurt people. My g(G)od, you know I'm trying to stay strong. I think that message just made me realize how different we are now. This is not what I want. I don't want to have to worry that you are out drunk somewhere getting hurt, or that you're with another girl. I'm sick of always wondering.

Last night was such a good night with Jaret, he opened up my eyes so much, he made me really realize who and what I wanted. We had this huge discussion about how both of us were against drinking and drugs, I hugged him after, I told him he made me feel not so alone.

Thats when I realized how worth it YOU were. "Without trust there is no relationship" and you were so right, it went downhill fast. I don't have to worry about you, ever, well only when you are sick. You too don't believe in alcohol, or drugs, you've never been down that road, I have so much respect for you. Oh yea, isn't that what a relationship is also supposed to be based on? Respect? You take me for everything I am, good and bad, and you love every trait. Just like how I love all the good and bad and things inbetween about you. You were my first, and I do believe you are supposed to be my last. I'm willing if you are. Come home soon baby.

I am very much alive these days.