Everything's Just Wonderful.

I'm lying, again.

Everything was fine until I opened my eyes. I was living in my little dream world. Things were beautiful. I would rather live in fantasy. Wake up and breathe it in though. "Are you okay?" someone will ask, "I'm fine." But really I want to tell them everything. I can't ignore the sickness, it won't just go away. I need to own up to it sometime. Stop smiling and tell people that the world is ugly. Especially me.

I want to stop pretending. I want to accept that this is me, its a part of who I am. But I can't, no, I fucking won't. I'll hold it all in, keep the demon inside. No one has to know. No one will know.

This is the art of silence. The art of self destruction, which I am a master at. This is more then a vow of silence, it's a war raging inside my head, trying to be silenced.

Maybe someday my best friend will know, or maybe not. Maybe this is a disease best kept to one self. I do NOT need a "handle with care" sign around my neck. My god I will fight till the end before I tell someone. It's a hospital ride I don't need.

I'm not a saint, but I'm not a sinner, and everything is fine, as long as I'm getting thinner.