You Have Made Me What I Am.

I fell in love overnight every night for over a year with the same boy. He loves me for the same reasons archaeologists dig through dirt. The way an anorexic will sometimes still have to eat. The way buildings are worth more when they are made out of cement and not concrete. The way the sun still has to show up after a bad night. I love him the way a bed is always cold when no ones slept in it recently. The way the moon is always in the sky but no one notices it until night. The way books have brail print incase you cant read them. Lift his spirits and that shirt, nothing can bring me down tonight. Our hands fit together perfectly and so do our feet. Everything I've ever wanted in a boy, in myself...I have in him.

I am the end result of never saying "I love you" until there is nothing left to love. I am the fireworks that didn't go off. I am pencil marks on paper you cant totally erase clean. I am the conclusion drawn based off something that never started. I am a nosebleed seat for the electric chair. Damaged goods that are ironically named. I am a product of every bad thing that has happened to me over the past.... Eventually I stopped being me and became some paranoid, scared and alone, loner waiting for the past to repeat itself- and it always does. The only ups in my life are throw up, give up, and grow up. If you want to say you love me I wont believe you, if you want to say you'll leave me I wont let you. It's so hard to basically be two different people in one- one fighting to keep you close and the other fighting to push you away so we dont get hurt. See- I've been lied to so much everything is a flashing neon warning sign to run now even if you're telling the truth. Then again when friends wave a warning flag in my face about a boy I just ask them to stop blocking my view. Everyone gets you where they want you and then they dont want you anymore. You lose your appeal when you stop turning heads and causing catfights in clubs. I'm hard to get but easy to forget. Easy to leave. Will I ever get time to heal if I keep getting new scars? Maybe try asking me to see what youre saying when I dont have Sore eyes. I pushed everyone away to make you happy and now I'm alone. He gave up on me because I wasn't worth the fight- he ignores my existance now and I wish I could do the same- mine not his. And he gave up on me cause he never cared in the first place.. But really, why should anyone care? I was the last person alive that cares about me and I just stopped caring...

Kelsey's Sunday Secrets:

-I am having my first real crush for the first time in months.

-Thursday, Friday, and Saturday have been the funnest nights in my life.

- I found trust again in an old friend.

- I have a disease Im not yet willing to tell anyone.

- I told my best friend, and his best friend my biggest secret... It felt amazing to get off my chest.

- I keep losing old friends, but I don't even care anymore.

- I had to explain to my Grandma today what happened to my leg.. I've never seen her cry before.

- I don't believe in love.

-I'm scared of going back to school tomorrow.

- I feel like having a good cry right now, but I'm just way too happy.

- I still don't know if I can trust you.

- I can't stop listening to Chasing Car's by Snow Patrol.

- I wish someday I can get up the courage to tell you what really happened.

I cherished.

You perished.

The world's been nightmarished.