Do You Keep Wishing That Someday I Might Show Up?

I know its up to me to grow.

So sick of this place, same thing everyday, something is in my way. But I was born and raised in this dead end town, where everyone is here to stay. Don't want things to be the same for me. Got to get out right now and start to live my life, how it's meant to be. Pick myself up off the ground.

you want to think I have a problem, well think again it lies within you. You act so rude and immature, well I'll act the same I won't acknowledge you. But yet you still wanna run your mouth. Why even waste the time? I despise your whole existence and that's the bottom line. You're a waste of time. No need for adolescent gossip, fact is that you need to grow up, don't concern yourself with my life because I could care less what you do.

Made Too Pretty

Baby boy, was this really what you

wanted?

I want to be rich and I want lots of money

I don't care about clever I don't care about funny

I want loads of clothes and fuckloads of diamonds

I heard people die while they are trying to find them.

And I'll take my clothes off and it will be shameless

'Cause everyone knows that's how you get famous.

I'll look at the sun and I'll look in the mirror

I'm on the right track, yeah I'm on to a winner.

I don't know what's right and what's real anymore

And I don't know how I'm meant to feel anymore

And when do you think it will all become clear?

'Cause I'm being taking over by The Fear

Life's about film stars and less about mothers

It's all about fast cars and cussing each other

But it doesn't matter cause I'm packing plastic

And that's what makes my life so fucking fantastic

And I am a weapon of massive consumption

And it's not my fault it's how I'm programmed to function

Forget about guns and forget ammunition

'Cause I'm killing them all on my own little mission

Now I'm not a saint but I'm not a sinner

Now everything's cool as long as I'm getting thinner

Here Again.

But I think we could.

It's been such a beautiful adventure. Everything was upside down, and I couldn't stop spinning around.

Silly string and a snowball fight mark a life changing day. I never knew it would be a day I would remember forever.

I learned so much from you. So many things I am grateful for. And forever will be.

All I can hope is that you are forever in my life.

Lets go for the ride of our lives.

I See Stars.

oh god, why was I wrong?

I missed all the meaning while it was spelled out all along.

To my bestie,

I love everything you hate about yourself. If I am ever too worried about you, keep in mind it's because there is only one of you, and I love you. Sometimes I feel so small compared to you. You are nothing but supportive of me, and you constantly have my back. I feel like I can't help you like you help me. Please teach me how to be a good friend, because it's what you deserve. You only deserve the best. Please always remember that. Never take less then what you deserve.

What happens when your friends and family become afraid of you? When the monster just takes hold and wont let go? Maybe there is no hope for me. I've fucked up too much. I mean, why does someone like me deserve to be happy and healthy. Why should I be able to have good relationships? The answer to those are I probably don't. But it happens any way.

My eyes opened wide today, and I realized "I'm alive." I have the power to turn my life around. All afternoon I sat in bed and felt sorry for myself. I let the monster take hold of me, I almost gave in. Then I rememberd all I had to live for. I'm trying, I'm really trying.

You and I can find an appreciation for life together. I promise it will be worth it in the end. I just kind of have a feeling.

I Can't Resist The Day

Babe, I think that I'd like to leave,

this place gives me the creeps.

Just come with me, and we'll run away.

where the weathers warm and the skies are gold.

Just come with me and we'll run away.

I'm in the wrong.

I always hurt the ones I love.

I hope there is a chance for me to explain to you my actions, and why I had to do it.

Truthfully, I'm nervous for when you're home. I don't know how to react, what to do, what to say.

I just hope to make it right between us some day.

My parents understand now. I told them the day I'm eighteen I'm leaving this town. There is nothing here for me. A town full of heartache and misery. Nothing exciting happens, I was never made to be a small town girl. I have big city dreams. Take me some where with passion and romance, a place I won't ever be bored. A place where I can decorate while you bake, and in the evenings we will draw white houses. Willow trees and white picket fences, everything we have ever imagined.

I think I want this dream to come true.

I Put On That Kanye Smile.

My favorite place in the world.

Because no matter how lost you get,

you always stumble on something

beautiful.

I know I've been wrong. I have learned from my mistakes. I've been used, and have used. But my god, I know this is something right. I don't care how many people try to talk me out of it, or tell me it isn't right. I honestly don't care about anyone's opinion. If I have any concerns about my heart, I'll tell you. Don't try to push me away from him, because in the long run it will only push me further away from you.

It doesn't matter what it takes, I will become who I want to be. I'm not afraid to say that I've used people to get farther in life, because in reality, who hasn't? I've hurt people for no reason, and I've been hurt for no reason. Do I regret any of it? No. I wouldn't be who I am today if it wasn't for every single event that has happened in my life. Sure some of them weren't the greatest ideas. And maybe I ended up in more trouble then I would have ever imagined, but I made it through each and every one of them.

I don't like it when people worry for me. I know I'm not the strongest person, but I'm not made of glass. I remember when a doctor asked me why I liked my friends not too long ago. My answer was "because they don't treat me like I was broken, and then put back together with tape. They aren't afraid that I'm going to break with anything they do or say." And it's true. I'm not going to wince at every word. Sometimes I want to forget about my past.

If I skip a meal, or purge, smoke, or drink it is okay. I'm not slipping up as much as I used to. One slip up from me every once in a while is okay. I know when I've had enough. I know when I can't handle it anymore. I know when it's time to quit it.

Sometimes I just want to go away, start over in a new place where no one knows about what a fuck up I was. They wouldn't treat me like I had a "handle with care" sign around my neck. I know I messed up, it doesn't mean I have to be reminded of it every damn day.

I regret leaving some people behind. Maybe some friendships should have never been started. I'm making a step in knowing who is good for me. I know who that is now.

I really do.

This Is The Same Old Dance You Already Know.

Time for a change.

I haven't been one to really accept change in the past, but I feel like this change is for the better. Stop being a Negative Nelly and step out into the world.

I miss you so much and I can't wait for you to come home. Things just really don't feel the same when you're away... Which really makes me hate the thought of next year. But I know we can do it.

Don't Let Me Get Me

I don't need to be saved...

Shaking, 24-7,

but, I couldn't care.

I'm trying to be beautiful.

I want to be as light as air.

My head always hurts,

But, it don't bother me.

My mind's always spinning,like I'm going crazy.

My stomach always growls.

Telling me I need food.

But, food is poison.

If I eat, I'll be in a worse mood.

My body always aches.

I starve myself without shame.

I'm always shaking cold.

But, hell, Beauty is pain.

I promised myself

I wouldn't do this again.

Whats wrong with me?

With my hair held back, I sit on the floor.

Purging and purging until I can't take anymore.

I am beautiful, I am strong.

Those people who said I was weak, their wrong.

If I wasn't strong, I would have given this away.

I wouldn't have lived like this everyday.

sticking my finger down my throat, just so maybe I'll be good.

Maybe I'll be perfect like I should.

They call me weak a lot, I'll prove them wrong.

I'll show them I'm perfect, show them I'm strong.

Those pretty models, I want to be like them all.

I would careless if I became Ana's little doll.

And for you, I know you think I'm weak.

You think my tears are about to leak.

You think I'll break down and cry

at your feet, you think I'll just die.

Only because I love you, am I doing this.

Only because I long for one simple kiss.

Is that too much to ask for, please don't lie.

I want to know the answer, and I want to know why.

I'm sorry I'm not beautiful enough, but, this is the best I can do,

I'm sorry I'm not pretty and I can't please you.

I'm sorry she's better then me, and I can't help it.

I'm sorry I went so long being sorry about shit.

So don't sugar-coat it again, I'm an big girl, I can take this, I know.

Will you open up, and let your emotions show.

Show me you love me, or show me your hate.

I knew this was a bad idea but, its already too late.

So now am I beautiful? I'm starved for love,

If I didn't care, I wouldn't do all this above.

I don't care what I have to do,

just so one day...

I may be beautiful enough for you.

.......

Where's That Chorus At?

Did you know this brings back

memories?

A long walk through a forest taught me many lessons. Some, I wish I never learned, but I know that there is a reason it all happened. I never knew about love, or beauty. I also never knew of pain and heartache. My first everything happened under these leaves. I haven't gone and visited the forest since the day I learned how much I could cry, I'm afraid it will bring back too many memories of things I've tried to forget. But I don't want to block them from my memory anymore. It's time to revisit the forest.

I am very aware that I'm being a terrible friend. The last week has been so hard with trying to accept myself as I am, and thinking I'm not good enough. I think these and I get scared, and angry and I don't know how to deal with the feelings except for pushing everyone I love away. I'm getting better though. I'm a hopeful kind of sad, a sad that just gets better over time. You are my best friend, and don't deserve that treatment. I'm glad you can understand though, even when I don't. I love you, and I'm going to try and be there for you as much as I can. No matter how hard it is. I promised you I would hold your hand the whole way through it. This is a promise I intend to keep.

Sometimes I feel like a monster for disliking someone who hurt me very much. But then I remember what he did to me. How he broke that promise to me, and I know my hate is justified. I felt a pinch of guilt when I saw you walk into the school this morning crying, but then I remembered again every tear that I had wasted on you, and I went on with my day. If you don't have respect for me during my bad times, see if I put an ounce of effort in helping you.

Unstoppable used to be such a foreign word to me. Hell, anything could stop me dead in my tracks and break me down. I think I handle things with a more positive attitude now. Words are just words and they won't break me. I'm extremely lucky that I have the best friends, and boyfriend, to show me how much I really am worth. I would still probably be hospitalized, if not worse by now, if I didn't have everyone in my life to show me the right way. So, thank you.

We don't give a fuck what they all say right?

I believe we are just the right amount of awkward and beautiful. Everything feels new with you, exciting, and incredibly perfect. I'm scared, but I think its a healthy scare. I hate being vulnerable, but I just can't help it when it comes to you. You found me when no one else was looking.

Lets catch the world on fire.

The Perks Of Being A Wallflower.

I swear we were infinite.

I don't know how I feel about some things. I'll sit and make a pro's and con's list in my head, but when it boils down to it, I just don't know. It's like that one sweater that you refuse to get rid of, in hopes one day it will come back in style, or you will fit in it again. It's never going to happen, but you just sit and hope.

My shoulder aches with every word I write. The pain constantly reminds me to question who and what I believe in. What did I do now to deserve this? Am I really that bad of a person? And I know that the answer is "no, I'm not a bad person."

Sometimes accidents just happen.

Sometimes things fall apart.

Sometimes it's just so someone good can walk into your life.

He walked into my life before it all fell apart again.