Paint Me With Glitter and I'll Shine Just For You.

I promised myself that I would

leave this town as soon as I

could.

I can't bring myself to do that

anymore.

In the end, it's the "what ifs" that hurt the most. Like, what if things had gone a little differently? Me? I don't believe in fate. I believe we have more control then we think and every action has a reaction.

My thoughts fall heavily, from my brain to my fingertips, wishing I knew exactly what it was I am trying to say. I wish my brain would come up with something to write. Anything at all. No witty or poetic thoughts have been captured in my mind, even though I have some of the most beautiful things to say. I suppose in reality they aren't that beautiful though. Just a crazy mess of everything that I get so caught up in. I suppose that this is what drinking and a lack of sleep does to you. But I don't really think I mind.

The Best In Town

Upon graduation,

let us run away together.

And oh my love, haven't you wanted to be with me?

my words are magic beans that grow into a stalk

so, follow where I lead, let's take a little walk

past wolves that ain't nothing but huff & puff

you're running with the big dogs now & I just called your bluff

my house is made of stone, while you're wearing grandma's clothes

I mastered poetry and reinvented prose

with flows that topple foes and rescue damsels in distress

my cupboard's never bare, my porridge passes every test

impressed? distressed? afraid you've met your match?

I burn quick like candlesticks; too nimble for you to catch

so sing, "hey diddle diddle, this cat don't play no fiddle

but he still make music so sweet

that it soothes the savage beasts, puts lions right to sleep

and makes the wolves lie down with the sheep"

I am the sovereign of the seas, litigating destiny.

I stood on pedestals just to get you next to me.

I battled vast creatures, even stood up to Zeus.

Poseidon tried hidin, end up hung from a noose.

They're all soft from my tragedy, ignorance is passin me.

Medusa's got a picture in the mirror that keeps grabbin me.

The picture's getting clearer, I'm a literary martyr.

Poetic warrior, I'm like Achilles fighting smarter.

I'm Ares in the flesh so the lessers wanna fight me.

Apollo tried to stop me, but I took his Aphrodite.

Figured since I won, petty comments I'd ignore.

Hate to burst your bubble, I'm your apple of discord.

Worlds End In Whispers, Not Bangs.

It doesn't ever phase me. I hope you fucking hate me.

It's time to look in a mirror. Evaluate yourself. But you already know what you are. A fuck up. It's what you have always been, and probably always be. Secretly you love it though, or you would try to fix yourself. You are getting no ones attention.

Oh Freckle, What Makes You So Special?

Hello, my name is Euphoria.

I wanna scream 'I love you' from the top of my lungs, but I'm afraid that someone else will hear me.

When I'm with you there's no worries,

When I'm with you there's no shame,

When I'm with you I'm secure,

We choose to live against the grain.

They can say we lack the progress.

They can say that we're a mess,

They can say we'll never make it

I know we're better than their test

And I don't hear them anyway.

This is my safe ride home. The place I chose to live. The only life I want.

The Great Escape

No image will ever capture our perfection.

Safe. I feel very safe in these arms.

Confidence. I can be my complete weird self, and not feel judged for it.

Relaxation. As soon as we touch I know I can let all my problems go.

I don't like giving too much away, but I feel like every piece of me has already been disected, and you still want me around.

I've got a sickness, you've got the cure

You've got the spark I've been lookin' for

And I've got a plan, we walk out the door

I have a feeling, that next year

will be the year of our lives.

Our year.

Let's spend tonight on top of the world

And we can do anything

We can be anything

I'll meet you tonight on top of the world

As real as it seems

You're only in my dreams

I like being where I am.

Complete peace,

and self assurance.

Let's live on top of the world.

Tonight will change our lives

It's so good to be by your side

We'll cry

We won't give up the fight

We'll scream loud at the top of our lungs

And they'll think it's just cause we're young

And we'll feel so alive

My Sacrifice.

Because I look for beauty,

in every situation.

Staying positive has never been easy for me. Until now. It's like every wish I've made on 11:11 is starting to come true. I've just got to wish a little harder, pray a littler longer. I want to be pulled into something positive, something good for me. May that be selfish, I don't really care.

It's the people who make me smile. Support me in everything I do, it's them I would do anything for. I want whats best for them and what makes them happy, even if it does put me in the back seat for a little while. I do believe the saying is "if you're happy, then I'm happy."

I know what I want now, and I attend to go after it at full force. I'm rather awkward and goofy, and I may try too hard, but at least it's something. Day after day I am realizing the beauty I have within myself, and how it makes me feel. I know there are only certain times when I feel on top of the world, and its these times that I will chose to cherish forever.

Magic introduces its self in my dreams. It tells me of all the things we could be. The love and excitment that we hold. Beautiful images become present, full of soft lips and an electric touch. I like to think of these moments often. To replay them over, and over again. I guess I'm just a silly girl who doesn't like to play by the rules.

Let the story unfold.

Baby, Your Mouth Is Like A Ghost

It's the complications I love.

(I know you want me to want you)

I hope you know you're driving me crazy. I'm growing more anxious by the second. The unknown really is frightening. It's probably my fault. I apologize for always assuming the worst. It's just that when you think the worst, the reality of the situation doesn't seem so bad. You've got the cold war re-enacting itself in the pit of my stomach. It's the tension. I have to say, I don't know how much longer I can stand it. I hope I'm not being too hasty, but it only takes a second to dial my number. A second of your time is all I ask for.


I sit here and wonder if you will ever understand just how much of me belongs to you.


I've never really been one for having a loss of words, so I guess you could call this a first. I'm afraid of opening my mouth, and definitely afraid of keeping it shut. What is a girl supposed to do? And truthfully, I'm trying to write a witty secret message, perhaps it's already been unfolded though?


I don't want to be forgotten. I want to be sitting front and center in your mind. Pick me up,
Read me every now and then,
I won’t disappoint.
*I am* witty and engaging so bless me with attention, because I’m *dying* for attention *without* any means of telling *you*. But with every means of showing you.


I want to get out of my own head, and into yours.

I’m Much Too Crazy To Change.

Simply unexpected.

This photograph, was completely out of the blue, and the most beautiful shot. After the shoot was done, and we were convinced we had the perfect shot of us looking "in love", we talked for a little while. He could tell I needed a hug. It was beautiful, and exactly what we had been trying to achieve the whole time we were pretending, luckily the photographer was right there and quickly took the picture. They decided to use this one over the posed one. It almost seemed real to me.

I should have been brave enough to just ask your name, instead of screaming, "I cannot contain my lust!" Now you probably think I'm a creep...

I have all the characteristics of a human being: blood, flesh, skin, hair; but not a single, clear, identifiable emotion, except for greed and disgust. Something horrible is happening inside of me and I don't know why. My nightly bloodlust has over flown into my days. I feel lethal, on the verge of frenzy. I think my mask of sanity is about to slip. I start to get the feeling that something is really wrong. Like all the drugs put together can no longer combat whatever it is that was wrong with me in the first place. I feel like a defective model, like I came off the assembly line flat-out fucked and my parents should have taken me back for repairs before the warranty ran out.

A joint or two just hangin out the window in September on the 28th I’ll be dethroned and sent to clean up my act. It's 6 p.m, we're sellin' everything that we can find for another line. "Get ahold of yourself," you say. We're bound to get caught and maybe then I can get clean. The police have different plans for me tonight. You know, you can’t swim in a town this shallow.

Fuck you. For saying you'd stay. For acting like you cared. For saying you loved me, for saying you'd be there. And then leaving. For turning your back around and leaving me here to pick up the pieces. For forgetting about me. For replacing me. For shoving it in my face that we're just not the same anymore. For not having the fucking decency to see that what you're doing is over the edge. Too much. You just keep doing this. You just don't care. All you ever think about is yourself. Don't you get it? Don't you understand how much you're hurting not me, but her? No, you just can't seem to see that you're causing all this irreversible damage to not only me, but her. My god she deserves so much better than you. For everything. For being the thoughtless, heartless, stupid little prick that you are, fuck you. And luckily believe in payback. Letting people screw you over is just lazy and uncreative. But also, sometimes being totally fucked can be a liberating experience.

You, in the cardigan, you're tired of all your friends. You, with your hair pulled back just right, you're bored with your boyfriend. so believe me you innocent little girl, in someone else's diary you are a "skanky whore." I would never consider us to be suicidal. It's just apathy and boredom, adding up to a whole lot of nothing. Then I remembered that my mom used to say to me, 'You can't have fun all the time.', and I used to say, 'Why not? Why the fuck can't I have fun all the time?"

And I guess these are all just ramblings. But they are important. They are me.

Goodbye.

Jerk, jerk, jerk, jerk.
I fucking dislike you.
Jerk, jerk, jerk, jerk.
I wish you would go back home.

Please, don't speak to me again. I would like nothing to do with you. Ever. I really should have listened to my friend.
And please, don't try to come near me.
Goodbye.

I Think We Have An Emergency.

Break apart her heart.
I'm done.
Fucking done.

I Don't Get You As Much As I Wish I Did.

So please tell me darling why you're so far away when i need you beside me tonight.

I had a dream about us last night. It was wonderful. I promise to love you forever.

Suppose I called you up tonight

and told you that I love you,

and suppose I said I wanna come back home.

And suppose I cried and said I think I finally learned my lesson

and I'm tired of spending all my time alone.

If I told you that I realize you're all I ever wanted,

and it's killing me to be so far away.

Would you tell me that you love me to

and when we cry together,

would you simply laugh at me and say

I told you so.

I told you someday you'd come crawling back and asking me to take you in.

I told you so,

but you had to go,

now I found somebody new and you will never break my heart in two again.

If I got down on my knees and told you I was yours forever

would you get down on yours too and take my hand?

Would we get that old time feeling,

would we laugh and talk for hours?

The way we did when our love first began.

Would you tell me that you miss me too

and that you've been so lonely,

and you've waited for the day that I returned.

And we live and love forever

And that I'm your one and only

or would you say the tables finally turn..

I'm ready now.

Come get me.

The Last Something That Meant Anything

She said it's so funny how life burns out so fast

So let's take another drink and here's to the past.

I never thought you'd be a junkie because heroin is so passé, and today if you think that I don't know about depression and emotional pain, you're insane. In a way, I cannot help but feel responsible, I always knew that you were insane with the pain, but I never thought you'd be a junkie because heroin is so passé, heroin is so passé.

I need to feel something.

I'm Only Me When I'm With You.

What do you say?

She said, I was seven and you were nine

I looked at you like the stars that shined

In the sky, the pretty lights.

And our daddies used to joke about the two of us,

growing up and falling in love and our mamas smiled

And rolled their eyes and said, "oh my"

Take me back to the house in the backyard tree,

said you'd beat me up, you were bigger than me,

You never did, you never did...

Take me back when our world was one block wide.

I dared you to kiss me and ran when you tried.

Just two kids, you and I...

Well, I was sixteen when suddenly

I wasn't that little girl you used to see,

but your eyes still shined like pretty lights.

And our daddies used to joke about the two of us,

they never believed we'd really fall in love.

And our mamas smiled and rolled their eyes

and said, "oh my"

Take me back to the creek beds we turned up,

two A.M. riding in your truck, and all I need is you next to me.

Take me back to the time we had our very first fight,

the slamming of doors instead of kissing goodnight.

You stayed outside till the morning light.

A few years had gone and come around,

we were sitting at our favorite spot in town,

and you looked at me, got down on one knee..

Take me back to the time when we walked down the aisle,

our whole town came and our mamas cried.

You said "I do" and I did too.

Take me home where we met so many years before,

after all this time, you and I.

I'll be eighty-seven; you'll be eighty-nine,

I'll still look at you like the stars that shine

In the sky.

It's always been you and I.

Last Flight Home.

It's nothing big,

but this is my dream.

I need this to happen.

I want this to happen.

I'm going to make it happen.

I Am Not Your Toy

Feel free to

leave.

I'm tired of the one's who put me down. Get out of my life if you have a problem with me. Not only does it annoy me, but it OFFENDS me as well, when people diss my sport. Don't call me "ginger", "Skinny bitch", "Dumb blonde", NOTHING.

I'm sick of this shit and I'm sick of this scene. I'm not alive to be anyone's punching bag. Am I mad at you guys?

Hell yes I am.

Everybody Is Someone Else's Secret.

I promised myself

I would kiss you again,

someday.

I am afraid of my actions, and where they will take me. I act on impulse, which leads to situations I don't want to be in. Place's I don't want to be. Everyone learns from their mistakes, but I play mine on repeat.

The same question runs through my mind.

What will happen if I do see you?

I think I know what will happen, but the consequences that follow... It scares me that I know it's supposed to be you. I have a sketchbook full of the houses I imagined with you. Not to mention the diary that has your name scribbled all over it.. I can't stand to listen to a song anymore because it reduces me to tears.

So what will happen when you're home? Will you look the other way? Or will we just instantly run to each other?

I wish my head was on straight.