I'm A Chemical Kid.

Hunger is the best discipline.

Sometimes I fall back into my old habits. I'm not proud, but I'm in control.. Mostly. I still find it hard going to parties and watching people drink. I always need to try a sip of something new, and then next thing I know I have a drink in my hand. It's so addicting. Maybe I should forget about parties entirely, or maybe I should realize drinking within moderation is okay. I'm not depending on alcohol to make me okay, I'm just doing it for a good time.

I was proud of myself for not drinking tonight at the party. I felt anxious, like an anxiety attack was coming on, I wanted to drink, take the edge off, but I didn't. It left me tired and silently miserable, but it makes me feel like a better person. I suppose one day I will know the correct way to deal with these situations.

You've Got A Body Like The Devil, And You Smell Like Sex.

You're my security blanket.

For what it's worth, it's never too late or too early to be whoever you want to be. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it, and I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you're proud of. If you find that you're not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again. You see, time is tricky. You have whole months, even years, when nothing changes a speck. When you don’t go anywhere or do anything, or think one new thought. And then you get hit with a day or an hour, or half a second, when so much happens, it’s almost like you are born all over again into some brand new person you for damn sure never expected to meet.

This is a good grumpy, the healthy kind of grumpy. Nothing like the past. I would have exploded by now, into a fit of anger and tears, isolation and a bed to lay in my sorrows. "I need a nap," is what I say to you now. "I know, you're grumpy." Everything seems okay to me when you're around. Everything is fixed with a kiss or a hug. And I stay happy. I cried a little bit before I wrote this, because I feel its okay to cry every once in a while. You sent me a message saying "I love you." The tears stopped and I felt okay again. You're my superhero. No matter what, I can't stay in a bad mood.

Things are so beautiful.

Sometimes Your So Still.

It's something like a dream.

When your tears are spent on your last pretense
And your tired eyes refuse to close and sleep in your defense.
When it's in your spine like you've walked for miles
And the only thing you want is just to be still for a while

I will be here.
always.
Forever.
I'll hold you up if you're falling down.

If your heart wears thin I will hold you up
And I will hide you when it gets too much
I'll be right beside you

I promise.

When you're overwhelmed and you've lost your breath
When the space between the things you know is blurry nonetheless.
When you try to speak but you make no sound
And the words you want are out of reach but they've never been so loud

I never thought a love like this,
was ever possible.

I will stay.
Nobody will break you

I don't want you to hurt.
Ever.

Trust in me, trust in me.
Don't pull awayT
rust in me, trust in me.
I'm just trying to keep this together,
Because I could do worse and you could do better

Hey baby boy,
I love you.

I'm On A Journey To Conquer Your Heart.

I've been running around for the past year trying to find some clarity,

and all of a sudden it's so clear,

it's ridiculous.

I just want to be with you.

I love how some things just fall into place. When you least expeceted them to, but when you needed it to happen the most. What luck. I stopped looking, and it came to me. I'm not very good at exressing happy or lovely thoughts, but I would like to try.

It's silly, carefree, bold, beautiful and everything that love should be. It's the way I wake up in the middle of the night, dissapointed that it's my pillow I'm cuddling and not you. I always wish you are beside me. You are the perfect cure to my insomnia. No more sleeping pills, I just need your arms. Kisses on the nose, and getting tucked in always makes me smile. And you know that. You have me figured out. I miss you five minutes after we've kissed goodbye, I always have a hard time leaving your side. I want to kiss you better when ever you are sick or sad, hold your hand whenever I can. I want to try new things and do things I'm afraid of, because I trust you. There is no one better.

Words clearly aren't enough.

Even Now I’m Not Really Sure Which Parts Of Myself Are Real and Which Parts Are Things I’ve Gotten From Books.

Kiss me, and you will see how important

I am.

I’ve always avoided fights. I make jokes instead. I tell people what they want to hear in order to avoid a confrontation. I pretend to want things I don’t want, and I pretend not to want things I do want. no one gets hurt. Except me. The lines are so crossed and blurred at the point that I don’t know what I want. I just know i want it to be easy.

Our initials written in the sand for a night get to stay safe from footprints and water.
The hands that hold us together want to rip us apart.
On a blanket underneath the purple and orange sunset we can forget all our problems and face them at the same time.
Seen from ships designed to crash we're the last existing starry-eyed dreamers laying hand in hand.
Seen from our own skin we're just surviving on the other's next breath.
Justbarely.
Let's watch the world fall apart ontop of umbrellas, crunched between sharks teeth and hidden under seashells.
Just for one night we can forget about the weather and focus on the shore that ends just beyond the tips of our toes.
The sunrise will come soon enough to pull open our eyelids to our worst fears.
Seperated together like this.
"You're a thief cause you stole my heart."
"You're a thief cause you stole my future, or maybe I'm just giving it to you."
"Fine. We're sharing it."
Fiction tastes just like you sometimes.
So real.
I'm like a fix you need to know you need.
Save me for when you're broken.
Please don't quit me just yet.

No words seem perfect.

Like Pretty Girls And Cowboys, I Need You Here Tonight.

I don't want to be alone,

but I can't find the words to tell you.

Promise not to promise anymore. Tell me, when will you learn that there isn't a word for everything? I spend these nights counting stars like a runaway. I can't explain, and won't even try how everything fell away, except for your eyes.

I like to pretend. Sometimes it gets me into trouble though. Reality just isn't for me. I would much rather stay in my dream world where everything is so much more. More beauty, more love, more hope.

The sun goes down but not spirits, maybe I've been haunting your thoughts. My body is a graveyard for hopes that died too soon. Give me a love I'm enough for. I want to hold your attention, but for now I'll settle for your hand. Your skin looks amazing in the moonlight- stuck in moments like these where I could be writing something amazing but I don't want to take my hands off you. I'll let a few good lines go for a boy that I can't. Besides the lines sometimes come back to me before he would. Tell me what matters at the end of the day- an empty page or an empty bed? We can all agree what hurts worse. You can't blame me for holding on- I'm just a little afraid you'll disappear like our footprints in the sand by the shore.

Halo

Remember those walls I built?

Well, baby they're tumbling down

And they didn't even put up a fight

They didn't even make a sound

I found a way to let you in

But, I never really had a doubt

Standing in the light of your halo

I got my angel now

It's like I've been awakened

Every rule I had you breakin'

It's the risk that I'm taking

I ain't never gonna shut you out

Everywhere I'm looking now

I'm surrounded by your embrace

Baby, I can see your halo

You know you're my saving grace

You're everything I need and more

It's written all over your face

Baby, I can feel your halo

Pray it won't fade away

Hit me like a ray of sun

Burning through my darkest night

You're the only one that I want

Think I'm addicted to your light

I swore I'd never fall again

But this don't even feel like falling

Gravity can't forget

To pull me back to the ground again

My love.

Prelude To A Dream

And this could be everything.

I don't wanna dream anymore

I need a constant. I don't like playing the game of cat and mouse today. It's silly really what the clouds can do to you. Darken the sky, darken your mind.

We are the constant

In chaos, the theory and more

Infinite X's in finite equations and XOXO's.

We are

Suns behind heavy clouds,

Grasses beneath fresh snowfalls.

The seasons are changing but

I can still taste your kiss,

In the same way I taste blooming flowers in fresh spring air.

And later when leaves turn shades of red and orange

To light the passion in your eyes,

I patiently wait for my wintertime.

But while earth was breathing out, I was breathing in

I could still smell autumn on your summer skin

When we rode bicycles through piles of undead leaves and

They scattered and changed into snowflakes and friendly rays of once lonely sun.

The warm embraced the cold; the seasons fell in love.

Summer, spring, fall, and winter all turned into one.

So hold me close,

Together we'll blur the days into a mixture of unnamed colors

And when we're finished we'll align the planets and stars beyond

To carve our initials upon the sky because

Weare the constant

In change and love

Time held in a clock

God's presence in the dark

Forever our two hearts.

I'm flyer, I'm higher. So please don't shoot me down. Hate is such a weak emotion. Anger is such a motivating emotion. Try not to let your hate motivate. And don't let your anger instigate, but let it insight change. thats the good weed. the right blood to bleed. I heard you were looking for me. you can't find this. You couldn't handle it if you found it. So don't find it. I found it. The right way. The better way. A brighter day. I'd better say that nothing is over. This is not over. Nothing is over. I'll always learn more than you. Because I fuck up more than you. Yes the element is hot. Even on the third time trying.

You are the yellow bird I've been waiting for.