I'm Taking You With Me

She will always remember.

No matter what.

Your True Colors

{And he died for her}

He wanted her to know, he would die for her. He just couldn't find the guts to tell her, for fear of her hating him since he knew perfectly well she was content with a different boy. But that different boy would have let her die. It was him that took the shot...

And never told her.

This kind of makes me realize that you should tell someone right away how you feel for them. What if you died the next day? Wouldn't you want them to know how much you cared for them?

I guess I take advantage

of my time.

Sometimes I wonder when we are talking if I'm "that girl". Sometimes I secretly wish I was, but then that leads me to thinking. And thinking is no good. Everything starts to snowball and then I end up confused and wondering what I really want. And then there's that final decision. But what if I was that girl? Would I really want to know if I was? Yes, I would. I would want to let you know everything that was on my mind, how my heart actually works.

But do I even have a heart?

I'm pretty sure I do. I know that this is something I haven't ever felt before. A pulling in the right direction. But how do I know its the right direction? I suppose I should just call it the scarier path. The path that leads to the unknown. Should I follow it? Yes. Something just tells me that I have to, because hey, I love you. And if it was easy to obtain, then it wouldn't be worth having.

And you make me feel

beautiful.

And then there are all those negative influences in my life. The ones I've picked up dirty habits from. Habits and vices I don't wish to have anymore. All the un-needed pressure that I gave into unwillingly. I don't wish to hate, to gossip, to backstab, to hurt. I wish to be who I am, not who you tell me to be.

And then there are days

like today.

I ramble on about all of this gibberish, and my favorite color changes from orange to yellow to blue within a matter of seconds, its times like these that I wish I had a firm grip on me, but then I think this is what I love about myself, my problem of not being able to decide. I feel content one minute, and then the next I couldn't tell you left from right. It's not that I'm complaining, its just that I'm telling you all my vices. So you can decide if you can handle all of this craziness that is me.

I just need a push.

And its days like today when I'm glad I have OCD, so something keeps me entertained. Make sure you unpluged the straightner, check that you locked the door. Wash your hands 3 times an hour. Other days it drives me up the wall, and I wish that I could just let things be. It always makes me feel better though when I straighten your shirt out and you shake your head and laugh at me, then wrinkling your shirt again.

Sometimes I think I'm

crazy.

I guess you could say you caught me on a good day, being completely 100% honest, even with things I like to hide from myself. Or maybe you would call it a bad day, hearing all of my ridiculous secrets. But there are some secrets I have not yet revealed...

Maybe you can figure them

out.

She's A Mess of Gorgeous Chaos, And You Can See It In Her Eyes

{You're nothing but a bully}

(And I'm so above that)

This Represents My Mind.

{Hey you, kiss me}

Nothing

and

everything

 comes 

to 

mind 

at 

the 

same 

time. 

How 

can 

I 

explain 

it?

{I can't}

{Oh yea, I love you♥}

My Favorite Accident

So, yesterday didn't really go as planned, but I do believe it was all worth it in the end. I know who wants to screw me over, I know who cares for me, and I know my values just a little bit more.
It was broken, now its fixed.

Manage me,
I am a mess,
swept under the rug of yesterday's home improvement,
a whimsical urge tossed aside for the easy reassurance of home and comfort.
I am the photograph tucked away as a book-mark,
in a book left half unread,
once reopened to find memories crawling back into peripheral sight,
faded, creased and lonely.
I long to be admired,
long to be held, torn and laughed at,
laughed with,
like a distant relative or an old friend breathing in their last breath.
I missed the moment when time collapsed and memory was erased,
replaced by finicky social experiments,
lost in the blur of intoxication,
sucked through multi-colored bendy-straws,
making way for a spinning world where hub-caps stood still,
but our vision didn't.
If I could leave you with only one thing,
it would be small, foldable, and made from trees,
with a few careless words,
scribbled in blue;

Take a minute to learn me,
take a moment to love me,
because I need your love to live,
and without it,
I am nothing.

Bounce, Bounce

After a day of feeling so negative and down about myself, I feel like it's only fair to have a day of positivity and fun.
Sometimes I break down so hard you can hear it, and when I can stand to come near it with means to repair, the chances of walking out unscathed are slim to none.
I know because I’m one; a victim of second-hand breakdowns and bad impressions, made under intoxicated conditions with poorly lit expressions. And I regret not going back, I regret not missing flights, I regret not asking for more and taking chances that I can only hope will not be forgotten. My fingers are crossed.

I-O-U.

Now my telephone’s dead and I can’t stand to hold out like this, but I’m constantly checking myself so as not to be a burden. Anything too heavy eventually gets dropped, no matter the cost. Let me be light as a feather, but valued enough so as to remain in a back pocket, until those jeans need washing and I find my place on a bedside table, to be read aloud on nights when memories and prying needs return to haunt the foundations of this room.

Pick me up,
Read me every now and then,
I won’t disappoint.
*I am* witty and engaging so bless me with attention, because I’m *dying* for attention *without* any means of telling *you*.

{But I'm having a good day}

Snitches and Talkers Get Stitches and Walkers.

Fuck you.

I'm done.

Sending Postcards From A Plane Crash.

{Please don't leave me}

Trying to find solutions but every plan just fails.

Not making any progress

just moving between jails.

And I know I might seem perfect,

but that’s far from the truth

and eventually you’ll find it,

find your needed proof.

And even you’d go crazy,

like even you can do.

And in the end you’ll realize

that I’m just a fool.

Don’t leave me now

And you might think about leaving,

but please give me a new chance

lets get in our airplanes

and crash back in romance.

Not promising to be perfect,

just that I’ll be me.

And hoping we can handle shit,

what will be, will be.

This not a fairytale

and has no happy end.

But deep inside you know it; I’m more than a friend.

Don’t leave me now

Let me crawl up against you

and please play with my hair.

Not thinking about the others,

no thinking; “is this fair?”

We we’ll be doing fine,

just me and you.

Not caring what the others think,

we’ll just do what we do.

I hope I have convinced you,

with my feelings put in rhyme.

But just to be sure,

I’ll ask you one more time;

Don’t leave me now

Silly me,

pretending I didn't know what

Heartbreak was.

I guess I remember now....

But maybe I am just jumping to conclusions

"As I do."

And maybe I should listen to you,

when you tell me not to worry.

But lets face it.

"Lets talk."

Never means anything good.

And now I'm wondering,

if those three small words

I love you

Are really just small,

meaningless

words.

Half As Much As You.

{I like who I've become}

Thank you, and you, and you, and you.

{They'll all be cheering for you}

Don't listen to him.

He is a monster.

You don't deserve that.

You deserve the world.

{This is see you later, I'm not into goodbyes}

This is me, playing you.

Because you played me.

Guess what?

I'm winning.

{These are the days that we will always remember.Chasing the night to make our days better.}

I think I'm ready.

{And you hold all of my secrets.

In white houses?}

Days Of The Old.

{I need out.}

I really, really, really wish, that I actually knew how I feel.

We're Not Afraid

You have my complete trust.
Promise.

Let Yourself Go (Give It Up)

Make up, gossip and

expensive clothes.

I know you - you were

one of those.

Who talked shit, made

lives miserable posing

to be a friend.

One day it'll come 

back to you and get 

you in the end.

Bite Your Lip.

{I fell for the trick.}

I know you still talk to her.

I know you tell her everything you tell me.

Watch us play you.

Like you played us.

You lost the game.

{Not like I care.}

And I feel a weakness coming on

It never felt so good to be so wrong

Had my heart on lockdown

And then you turned me around

And I'm feeling like a newborn child

Every time I get a chance to see you smile

It's not complicated

I was so jaded

{Hey, I love you. ♥}

It's Hard To Say "I Do" When I Don't.

To sum everything up.

I feel horrible.

About everything, and everyone.

Body Snatchers Forever.

Love Is Here.

Saturday, will be so beyond

♥ Amazing ♥

I Don't Take Hits, I Write Them.

"He called you pretty. Thats practically an insult. The way you look right now, your much more than beautiful"

You want to know why I love you?

It's because you loved me

when I didn't love myself.

It's because you held up my beauty for me to see.

It's because you cared unconditionally,

just the way I was.

It was because, for the first time in my life

I didn't have to work so hard at being happy.

Because with you, it just happens

I guess this is my

Thank You.

What A Catch, Donnie.

{Take my secrets?}

{I don't want them anymore.}

Hammer And Strings.

{I don't want this anymore.}

Secrets

Pure cold porcelain,

Keep my secret

Hide my sin,

My guilty relief

Rotting teeth and pale cold skin.

I’m looking in the twisted monster mirror

And within it I see a girl

Not yet too thin or too far gone,

It’s not enough, so I’ll hold on

Stay strong

Starve on…

I grow my bones

And swallow groans,

I survive on air

And breathe despair.

I want forgiveness for this sickness

That’s inside,

I can’t win

If I don’t lose,

I can choose to live - I choose to lie,

In my heart … I choose to die.

{Cure me?}

And my friend calls me up

With her heart heavy still

She says, "Andy, the doctors

Prescribed me the pills.

But I know I'm not crazy.

I just lost my will.

So why am I, why am I

Taking them still?"

The So Unknown.

I feel his arms slide around my waist
And I feel bloated
I feel him count my ribs, sticking out so horridly that it makes my friends wince
Yet I feel folds and folds of skin
He stares at the uneaten apple on my floor
The bite marks in the red skin, but no chunk missing
And he knows what’s wrong

We stand in front of my mirror
Full length, like I had always and always wanted
The pants that had fit me only two months ago perfectly
Slid off my waist into a pool around my ankles
And he stares at my hip bones, hands trailing over them on skin looking dead

I stare in the mirror
And see a beautiful boy, so perfect
Touching a girl who is gluttonous
With rolls of fat hanging there so ugly in my eyes
That it makes me gag and I push away,
Running to the bathroom.

He catches my wrist
And pulls me into his chest
And I know something’s wrong, since he’s never looked so
Scared
In the time I’ve known him
And I know at that moment I’ve done something wrong
Because he asks a simple question:

“What have you done?”

Stop.

I just don't even know what to think.

What to say.

What to feel.

How to act.

Run To You

{I need to talk to you,

and only you.}