sXe For Life.

Forget the party scene.

I'm going back to who I used to be.

And this is why:

Big question: why do I call myself straight edge and what does it mean to me?

Understand this. There is no one true definition of straight edge. What it is to me will probably be completely different to how boo or jim or pete see it. Edge is one basic premise, a lifetime commitment to abstain from drinking, smoking and drugs. I personally agree with the legendary 90s band RAID when they say that straight edge is a platform to build upon. Me, I see it as an opportunity to open doors for self-discovery. To re-write and re-draft my life. To constantly ask why. Why I look the way I do, why I live the life I do, why I love who I love, why I find something attractive and yet not another, to confront my fears and to form honest and lasting relationships. For me it is the personal. For others it may be political. nowhere does it say to preach. Those kids represent a small minority and will likely be gone in 5 years or when they turn 21, whichever comes first. if I come off preaching, its not because im straight edge...its because I'm a Bitch. when XjerkoffX signs on and replies to your post and talks shit, its not because he or she is straight edge, its because XjerkoffXs parents didn't teach the poor kid how to elaborate and express their feelings very well. Are there edge kids who are assholes? Sure. Just like every other group of people. And just like any other group of people, you can focus on the few of that group who give them a bad name and twist it to fit whatever position you take.

now why am I straight edge?

Okay, let me pose you this question. Have you ever banged your thumb with a hammer on purpose? Probably not. Why? Because it would hurt and probably injure your body, Right? This is the way I see drinking, drugs etc. I've seen what it can do to families, relationships and how it can tear peoples lives apart. I've seen car crashes, been to funerals, hear the date rape stories, seen drive bys, seen people get beatup, seen kids get beaten and seen mothers being beaten... All with the driving force of alcohol. And just like the hammer, it just doesnt make sense. When I was 14 and punker than fuck, what was the most punk thing you could do? Go get fucked up? Fuck no. It was going to parties and when someone asks why I didn't drink, without preaching just saying why I chose not to. It fucks with people. Because drinking should be rebellion, right? Yet how is it rebellion when everyones doing it, even your parents? I say fuck their shitty pseudo rebellion, and I still do. Buying into alcohol and tobacco companies is the most un-punk thing you can do. You have no idea how many times I was pushed around, punched, because people cant get out of that high school mentality of "you dont fit in". Whats even worse are the adults who never grow out of that. do I hate people who drink? Fuck no. Do i care if you drink? No, I couldn't give a shit. But I'll tell you when I do.

When my bestfriend cant walk home because the bars just let out.

When my sister get pushed down by drunk adults.

When my mom gets rear-ended by a drunk driver.

When my friends get beaten up.

When people dont know how to be themselves with out beer.

When I get harassed.

When I know that driving after midnight on a saturday night/sunday morning 2 out of every 3 drivers are legally drunk.

When I hear about football players date raping girls.

When I hear about the frat boys gang-banging passed out girls.

When alcohol or drugs are involved in over 80% of the felonys committed in Canada every year.

When I hear people laugh about getting their third DUI.

Thats when I care. thats when I get angry. That's when I make shitty, angry posts. And guess what? I dont care if you are an alcoholic or not, if you're mature enough to make the decision to pick up that bottle then you should be mature enough to face the conseqences. Because if you're out driving drunk and my mom, or my sister or my friends or my boyfriend is directly threatened by your lack of self-control, if your actions directly threaten the well being of anyone I love...then fuck you. Yes, fuck you I hope your mother dies of fucking cancer and you choke on your own vomit. And if that makes me an elitest...then so be it.

You tell me that I make no difference, but at least im fucking trying...what the fuck have you done?